later, baby

an inane twist of perfection
in the curves she leave on my skin
with tender touches and delicate movements
slowly the shards leave
small burning puddles
across my rib cage and along my arms
adrenaline rapidly beats out the static thoughts
as limbic nerves awake in my head
a quick smooch as she smiles down
then her cheap rainbow key chain
slides across the side table
and drifts away in her hand
along with my third wallet this month
and i smile as i remember the handcuffs
i think to my self, "she's getting smarter"
"later, baby" whispers the silhouette in the door
"mmmhmm, later, cutie," i moan in reply

Author's Note

I fully appreciate reviews, especially when they tear apart my work in an attempt to make it better. Rip, tea, break it down. Tell me how you do not like it, how to make it better. I want your opinion. Truly.

Reviews

[FlatDaddy]

I'm a fellow competitor in a "lustful poems" competition you have entered; therefore I'm not entirely pleased to say how much I like this piece. The erotic tone pared with humor is something I very much approve, akin to my own style in some of my work. Damn you! You didn't have to make this quite so good.

However, I must point out two errors: 2nd line, I believe "leave" should have a final "s" -- and in the third to last line, "my self" should be one word.

And I'm not smirking -- really I'm not. I promise.

Well, okay ... maybe just a little. But it hurts.

[Rachel]

niiiice.