Deep Down Poem

Deep Down Poem

A Poem by bonbon7810
"

A poem I wrote, for part of my book Deep Down.

"
Depression meets beneath my soul.

            I'm a puzzle with a missing piece,

               a bare tree,

           a person with one leg.

           Part of me is missing

           Fury builds inside me

          waiting to burst out

           I'm a Halopeno Pepper

          Hot-headed and burning with rage

         Guilt runs through my veins

       I feel like a criminal accused of comitting  murder,but

               I'm innocent

       I feel like crying, screaming, and apologizing all in the same second.

© 2011 bonbon7810


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Given the seemingly frantic flow and the mishmash of thoughts and ideas, I felt that the poem ended anticlimactically, for nothing really was solved, no loose ends were tied, and Halopeno, is actually spelled "Jalapeño". So.....it's a great start, don't get me wrong. I just think you can craft it a bit more, so it doesn't feel anticlimactic.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

bonbon7810

5 Years Ago

Thanks for the review! I wrote all of this when I was really young and haven't really came back to i.. read more
emipoemi

5 Years Ago

my pleasure.



Reviews

Given the seemingly frantic flow and the mishmash of thoughts and ideas, I felt that the poem ended anticlimactically, for nothing really was solved, no loose ends were tied, and Halopeno, is actually spelled "Jalapeño". So.....it's a great start, don't get me wrong. I just think you can craft it a bit more, so it doesn't feel anticlimactic.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

bonbon7810

5 Years Ago

Thanks for the review! I wrote all of this when I was really young and haven't really came back to i.. read more
emipoemi

5 Years Ago

my pleasure.

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Added on April 19, 2011
Last Updated on April 19, 2011

Author

bonbon7810
bonbon7810

OH



About
** I literally wrote all of this & my writing when I was in middle school...*I have always loved stories and books ever since I was like six months old and my mom would read to me, so it is no surpris.. more..

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