The Chipped Cup

As she unloaded the washing basin,

her hands fumbled on the chipped cup.

To her, it meant

cold mornings with a warm cup,

with his lips on her forehead,

him saying, “I love you”, and that he always will.

But that turned out to be a lie.

To him, it only reminded him of her,

someone who he still loved,

but wished to forget.

Author's Note

Couldn't decide if I liked it as a poem or a short story, but I tried to do it as poetry just as a change. Really pretty short. I might add more, but probably not. Sorry for being gone for a couple of days; this was all I could write. Thanks y'all!

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

Oh wow! These words do speak a story, just simmering beneath the surface of the intricate images you wove together for us. How you spoke of a washing basin, my mind pictured some rustic cabin by the sea or in the mountains of Virginia with a lake as a back drop. Some place quite and cozy, steeped with memories and the cup was just a memories to sharp for the morning and her hands twitched a bit.

Great Poetry! I'm really enjoying the ink you've been crafting! Keep it up!
Aaron

[K.]

Yay! I'm so glad you pictured that! I was going for something a little behind the time and a dishwasher just didn't sound super poetic! And thank you so much for reading and reviewing, Aaron!

[Persona]

Keep it as a poem. The title peaked my interesting. I wish you'd described the cup itself and a moment when he breaks off the relationship. I was disappointed with 'that turned out to be a lie'. I have a feeling you can do so much better.

[K.]

For me, if I were to go into describing the cup and that moment, I think I would need to develop it into a short story, just because my strong suit is not poetry, in my mind. I will try and work on developing this piece more. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

[Persona]

You're welcome. No, I like it as a poem. You can describe one element of the cup per line at a time. Maybe do that over 2 stanzas then move onto the break up while they hold the cup.

[K.]

Okay, thank you.

[Leandro Mendez]

if he still loved her why did he want to forget her?? intriguing write :) enjoyed and left me thinking! hehe

[K.]

That is the mystery, yes? Sorry I am responding so late, but thank you so much!

[ayosonolowo]

With his lip on her forehead
him saying ''i love you'' and that he always will
but that turned out to be a lie
Ooops what a player
nice and well arrenged poem

[K.]

Haha, thank you for reading and reviewing.

[Skye Sparks]

Love it! You are amazing!!

[K.]

Thank you so much Skye, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my stuff!

[K.]

Thank you so much Skye, I appreciate you reading and reviewing my stuff!

[Skye Sparks]

Absolutely! You are so welcome.

[Chris]

as a poem there are emotional ties that become apparent with the flow. As a short story many questions would be asked.

[K.]

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

[Craig2591]

I agree that it's a bit vague, but I like vagueness, so it's okay as is. A nice little story that leaves you wondering.

I'm really bad with that 'who/whom' thing, but shouldn't it be, 'someone whom he still loved' ? I'm not sure.

[K.]

Thank you! And I was wondering that too. I didn't know which one so I just chose one. But thanks, I'll figure it out hopefully!

[Sam]

It is good but could be more. A little vague in places. But a lot of heart. Thank you for read request.

[K.]

Thank you so much for reading! Like I said, I was going to make it a story, but I wanted to try poetry so I made it short. But I do agree it could be longer, just nothing else I wrote was good. Thanks again.