houston

bright bare mornings

scraped away

left to themselves

 to revel in gray

touchdown in houston

i'm feeling alone

ten days too long

ten days till done

if everythings like you left it

if everythings the same

its only because i'm good

 at hiding the pain

too hot evenings

and the scent of you i've found

you've lasted the longest

in for a penny or a pound

my friends all think i've lost it

but maybe i'm just lame

but in the end i'm pretty sure im the one to blame

bright bare mornings

scraped away

left to themselves they revel in gray

touchdown in houston

i'm feeling alone

ten days too long

now that you are gone

Reviews

[Abigail T]

"bright bare mornings/scraped away" wow. what a strong way to open the piece, and a wonderful repetition. i could feel and picture the grey as i read. this is a beautifully bare piece that feels deeply personal.

my one critique would be to choose more interesting rhymes. take this opportunity to really stretch and make use of your vocabulary. pick out words you've always found interesting, but never really used much. it can be a fun and rewarding exercise!

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Houston we have a problem! This poem is so good:)