Family Banned

Yep, I learned music all on my own...and, I learned the banjo

Playing music is the ultimate viral phenomenon. Anyone learning an instrument invariably must share their mangled Stairway to Heaven with nearby friends, and eventually begin recruiting bystanders into their obsession.

And it spreads like a fart in a yoga class.

I was no different. As soon as I could hack through “Foggy Mountain Breakdown” I began soliciting my younger brother Byron to take up the fiddle. I just knew there had to be a fiddle involved somehow.

Byron was the quiet and sensible type, and preferred to spend his days bird watching and drawing cartoons. And he wisely declined my offer for him to play fiddle in my new imaginary band.

So I did what had to be done: I went to Mom.

Our Mom was right out of Little House on the Prairie, except it was pretty much all Prairie, and no House. She was the boss of us and our home-school teacher, and we learned what she told us to learn.

We learned music, art, and the Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious by Carl Jung. Oh, and the fine art of foraging for wild edible plants…so we could eat.

And, we learned it was folly to oppose her autocratic rule. So when she told Bryon he was going to learn the fiddle, he grimaced and said “awesome!”

Next day knew she ordered one from a catalog,  along with a stack of instructional books.

Byron sighed began the long squeaky journey toward fiddle-dom. And it was worse than we expected.

The fiddle is truly a demonic device, created to mimic the sound of a live cat skinning, and there is really no way to lessen the suffering for everyone around. Mom bought a violin mute, but it didn’t help much.

Finally Mom decided there needed to be a special fiddle area, which ended up being a meadow several miles away. So every morning Bryon would dutifully trudge into the distance, fiddle in hand, and come back at sunset with a look on his face I would later recognize as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

But he hung in there, and eventually got it. We were all proud of him.

Then of course we needed a guitar player, and a mandolin player. So the next two siblings in line were promptly delegated Guitarist and Mandolinist, and fell without resistance.

Instruments and books arrived, and the cacophony began in earnest. Looking back, I now understand my Dads somewhat distant personality: he was driven away by our caterwauling!

Well, as they say “misery loves company” and nowhere is this truer than in learning music together.

Although we sounded like chimpanzees with slide whistles, it was fun, because we were all in it together! Each instrument became a musical puzzle piece, and we learned to fit in and play in time together.

It didn’t take us long to figure out that the guitar was the backbone, thumping away with the Johnny Cash rhythm, and the mandolin was supposed to hold down the “chop”, that cool backbeat that makes bluegrass so exiting.

We were a team!

In fact, to this day I pester my beginning students hook up with others and make matters even worse. I tell them that learning to play is like practicing swimming in a parking lot, but Jamming is like diving in feet first and then trying to stay afloat.

Remind yourself “I am better than I sound!” and remember that sometimes bad things happen to good songs.

Then one morning over oatmeal and soymilk, Mom made an announcement.

“The time has come” she intoned. “This morning the tarot cards and the I Ching both told me the the band is ready to enter the outside world”.

We nodded in unison.

“But we can’t risk too much exposure to society, so I will have to find the right place”.  

We knew the drill. We never quite understood what Mom was talking about, but it was always cosmic and unarguable.

It turned out she had booked us at the North State Senior Living Center.

See, Mom wanted to make sure that we weren’t exposed to the evils of the outside world, like groupies and wild parties, so she booked us someplace safe. So she booked us someplace where people could barely walk.

The next day we donned our Salvation Army finest and piled into the bus. When we arrived Mom herded us single file into the building, down the hall and into the Rec room.

The lavender walls were lined with plastic flowers and the smell of formaldehyde hung in the air. The audience consisted of six ancient beings in wheel chairs, staring at us in silence.

One of them slumped over and began to snore loudly.

All of a sudden it felt like we were about to charge out of a fox hole into heavy artillery fire.

I looked at Byron, but he was staring sightlessly ahead. My 2nd youngest brother, Pavi, was shaking like a leaf. His face was ashen.

In my mind I said “OK, we’re the Lewis Band and we’re glad to be here. We’re going to begin with a great fiddle tune called the Red haired Boy. We hope you enjoy it!”

But instead I whispered “OK-Band-we-play-now”, and we began.

All I remember were my fingers dancing like disembodied spiders, and a continuous hacking cough from the audience.

When we finished there was stone silence. Then more hacking and wheezing.

I turned to the old man with the cough.

“I hope you get better sir” I said, trying desperately to keep my voice even.

The old man looked up, like a mummy coming alive in a B grade movie.

“I hope you do to” he spat.

Later that night around the campfire Mom said the show was great, and that the Gods were pleased. I ate my gruel in silence and vowed never to play for anyone again.

But of course I did. And so will you!

Reviews

[barleygirl]

WOW! Finally a storyteller to rival Sam! I'm sorry (for me) that I didn't find you sooner on this website! This is a beautiful piece from top to bottom -- it reads so well, fits together, sprinkled with tongue-in-cheek funnies & an ongoing commentary perfect for the occasion ("oatmeal & soymilk").

Hilarious: "I pester my beginning students hook up with others and make matters even worse." . . . along with the ending "I hope you do, too" (should be too instead of to). I could go on & on, there are so many subtle & original funnies.

Thanks for starting my day with a smile!

[Brae]

Hello Barleygirl! Thank you so much for our kind words, it feel great to get your kind of encouragement :-) Truth be told, I have long neglected my writing (read: 15 years) and have gave my time and energy to music and teaching. But now I am at a place where I need to find a way to synthesize these various streams, and so hearing that others like my story telling gives me the self- belief to keep trying! So I really appreciate your words. I would love to pck ou bain more about writing and this website sometime, and look forward to hearing more of what you have to say...cheers

[Samuel Dickens]

This is some great, very funny story-telling, my friend. Being a long-time string-plucker from a family of them, I especially enjoyed it.

[Brae]

Thanks for the review Samuel, yes, I do have a lot of stories from my hillbilly upbringing. I am very curious to hear what strings you pick, i play banjo mandolin and guitar myself. I am currently starting to teach on Skype (bluegrass, irish, old tyme, swing) and having a blast!
Perhaps we can pick sometime
Cheers

[Samuel Dickens]

I play mostly acoustic guitar, but used to play banjo a bit. Being rather old, with increasingly arthritic fingers and few social contacts, I usually entertain myself a few minutes each day. I began in the sixties playing folk music, but then got into CSN, Young, and those kinds of styles. Nephews and late, younger brother all play or played electric rock, and while I like that kind of music, too, I've mostly stuck with the sound of wood.

[Brae]

That is wonderful, those are all types of music dear to my heart. Her is some of my music online, I hope you'll be able to listen to it and enjoy
https://soundcloud.com/brae-lewis/sets

[Samuel Dickens]

I sampled a few, and enjoy what you do very much. I'll have to go back for a longer listen.

[Brae]

Thank you, and feel free to share. When you get a moment, let me know the latest stuff you like to play when you sit down with your guitar, perhaps we can share a tune or two...

[Samuel Dickens]

A few I play are "Junk" and "Maybe I'm Amazed" by Paul McCartney. "Day in the Life", "Strawberry Fields" and others by the Beatles. "Tell me Why" Neil Young. "From the Beginning", ELP, "There but for Fortune" Phil Ochs. "Don't think Twice", Dylan. "Cannon" and a few other classical pieces.
Unfortunately, I don't have the equipment to play with you online, but appreciate the offer.

[Brae]

That is awesome, those are all timeless songs. I play a number of them. I'm curious about "Cannon", you mean the classical piece? Do you finger pick?

[Samuel Dickens]

Yes, by Pachelbel. I misspelled it--one "N", Canon. I play it the easy way with "C' fingering, capo on second fret. I do finger pick--the Travis style and sometimes a three-fingers and thumb style. Whatever works.

[Brae]

Wow, that is really cool, I like that idea and will have to try it out. I have some other fun "folk classical" pieces that I play, do you read TAB?

[Samuel Dickens]

Yes, tabs are great.