Bones

Sixty word prose - no more, no less. This was a challenge; but a fun one!

Self loathing turns her ribs to weapons around a frame too slender,
a heart too empty; don't hold too tight, she may shatter, collapse
into herself, bones splintering into chaos and destruction, worries
and hatred piercing deep, all turned to sharp daggers in her sides.
And if an embrace can wound, what havoc would cruelty wreak
upon her fragile bones?

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Brenda

I as a long time serving member of Writers Cafe and now an inmate of The Blue Rose Cafe give you this review!

The thing with being a convict on this site is that it is so liberating.

I have a reputation for reviewing long on this site. I am in part a novelist where they call them 'people with lots to say'!

I rarely if ever do hyperbole on this site or on anyone's words.

But in this case you deserve them. First reaction? Breath-taking!

Thoughts:

1) The title of bones is rigorously pursued repeatedly within this story. You keep on adjusting topic to meet the title;
2) This is a world of consistent negatives except at one point (below) where salvation may reign. Pick the words carefully 'Self-loathing', 'empty', 'shatter', 'collapse', 'chaos', 'destruction', 'worries', 'hatred', 'daggers'. 'havoc' .
3) But then you get to the word 'embrace'. Something that can be such a positive and in which we all may find friendship, companionship, caring, kindness and loving. You intriguingly state if that 'embrace' is so hurtful, how much more so may be what I might summarise as spite and you call 'cruelty'.

Many parts of my writing are from the heart. They do talk about pain. Read my profile. But often in the world of wishes, I try to find a happy exit. That there is still redemption for us all, that the next thing coming round the corner is not just a double decker bus about to run us over.

This is a story of pointed sadness and in creating these sixty words, you do so very effectively.

But in terms of real life, you, me, everyone on The Blue Rose Cafe and Writers Cafe, there is something to be said for the mutually supportive.

Should you feel this amount of pain without exit or thought of salvation, all I can say is that I have been there too and still can often be.

There are things I try to say to myself when all alone and without support.

Between the sea and the darkling sky, if you can wait and watch long enough, you will see the faintest of sunrises on the horizon appearing.

Life is not to be wasted. Every day is a gold coin to spend wisely. Let's go invest.

Brenda, if you are living what you write on here, please be assured of the warm embrace of the writers on Writers Cafe and The Blue Rose Cafe.

If it is reflections on a sad history, life reclaimed, we can all identify.

This amongst the endless streams of writing I have reviewed over many years has a certain something about it, which takes a topic and grinds its 'bones' into the ground.

Well written and take heart. You have friends now. Don't worry anymore. You can 'talk'. I / we are all here in support.

I am one such

I am thankful for those who support me on here too.

In all kindness


James

[Brenda Woods]

Thanks, James - I can't say that this was written from my heart specifically; more inspired from people I've met and stories I've heard throughout my life. This happened from the ideas of anorexia/eating disorders making the body weakened and fragile to hold, as well as the sort of self hatred that personally, I find one of the hardest to witness - when a friend is insistent they don't deserve friendship, when they bring themselves down and talk of how they have no friends, how they're alone. It's painful to watch. And it's difficult - to try and figure out what to say to make things better, to witness a friend hurt like that.

Myself? I'm in a good place. Sure, I have my moments when I feel down, but so does everybody - but this particular piece of writing doesn't reflect myself. I like challenging myself with my writing, though. I like pushing myself to write about things I haven't experienced, to write about emotions stronger or darker than I've felt, or to write from the perspective of characters who I will never be like. And I suppose not all writing needs to be from the heart, does it? I think we'd all like to believe and hope that anyone writing about murder, or from the perspective of a murderer, isn't actually one. But whilst it isn't always important to write from your own heart, I do believe it's important - possibly more important than anything - to write with your heart, to pour emotions into stories and characters, explore them until you've figured out every aspect of them possible, allow a home in your heart for any character you hope will relate to someone else, allow emotions and motivations for even the most disliked of villains. I suppose I'm saying that with my writing, I like to create characters and stories, and try to build them to be as believable as I can manage, so that the story can feel real, and not like some tossed about words put together and titled as fiction.

I don't know if that made any sense. I got away on myself a bit there.

Thank you, again, for your kind review - it really means a lot to me that you thought this of my poem, and I'm extremely flattered by what you said.

Brenda

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Brenda

Thank you for that.

I am a worrier by nature and empathetic. I am pleased for your sake that this is not something you have personally lived.

However what you are writing is partly inspired by people who do live it.

Either way, this piece of writing demonstrates well what you say in response to my review.

With my kind regards

James

[Brenda Woods]

You're welcome - and fair enough; nothing wrong with being empathetic and worrying for anyone's safety.

Thank you
Brenda

[Sigyn_Laufeyson]

This almost made me cry but I liked it!!

[Brenda Woods]

Ah, thank you!

[ANTO]

This must have been a difficult challenge Brenda. I woul dhave struggled, You carried it off very well indeed. I got some truly graphic images from your words - I saw eating disorders and a woman/girl for whom the outside world had become an Iron Maiden - pressing into her from all directions. Truly powerful writing. Well penned Brenda.

[Brenda Woods]

Thank you - it was a bit of a struggle, but also a lot of fun - and glad to hear the story I was trying to convey showed in the writing :) Thank you for your lovely review!

[ANTO]

My pleasure Brenda - have a good weekend! :)

[Brenda Woods]

You too! :)

[ANTO]

HEY! First Prize !! - CONGRATULATIONS !!
well done Brenda !
:)))))

[Brenda Woods]

"Thanks!! :D

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

This is such a realistic portrayal of feelings. One actually feels like comforting the girl in the story. It was a heart touching read. Thanks for sharing!

[Brenda Woods]

Awww, thank you very much, that means a lot to me.

[Kess]

I think you did a great job capturing what self loathing means. Wonderful poem

[Brenda Woods]

Thank you very much!

[Helena]

Excellent write Brenda. Vivid imagery brought this alive. I'm glad you had fun with the challenge! Thanks for joining in. ~ Helena :)

[Brenda Woods]

Thank you! Glad to take part, always good to be challenged :)