All I wanted

What you see isn't always what is there

I just want you to understand, or at the very least attempt to understand. I don’t want you trying to fix me, or offering advice. Sometimes I just need you to listen to me. Not talk at me. I know that must be hard, you’re trying so hard to protect me, but that’s the problem, you are oblivious to me. The real me. You see who you want, your perfect daughter. Well here’s a little information you might want to get yourself familiar with. I am not that girl. I never have been, and I’m sorry to say this but I never will be that girl. Your little fantasy kills me, because I will never be that girl. As desperately as I want to be that girl, I’m not. I lied when I said I wasn’t depressed, I am. I am I good actress if you believe I am all sunshine all the time. Its all a show. Its never going to be good enough for you.

I’ve lost interest, in people, and things that I used to love. The things that I held dear. Softball, Tae-Kwon-Do, reading, writing, singing. All gone, I still do them but they are so much less fulfilling now. When did this happen? Everything used to be so fun. There used to be this little bit of hope that I had but its gone.

My life is like a roller-coaster. Fast and slow at times, filled with twists and turns, and of course, a s**t-load of lows, in a high contrast to the very few highs. The only comfort I find is in the blade. Which when you think about it is quite sad. Why am I writing this? I have no f*****g clue. It beats me.

All these happy people. At first I pity them, they’re so weak…but when I think about it, I envy them, resent them. Just like I swore to myself I’d never do.

© 2010 Michaela Briggeman

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Reviews

Josiah Russell

Don't say it sucks; if you don't like it, say it can be improved.

And while this can, I like it; as I said before, the best writing comes from the heart, as this story obviously did.