Dreams of Hell

Dreams of Hell

A Poem by brittneymarie

The unforgiving life

is the only part of me I know

All that I have lost

is surrounding me slowly

It won’t let me bring the things I want inside

but it insure’s to bring everything back that I hate

Is there any hope in life?

How about any chances?

Will god ever forgive me

and let me live the life I used to?

Or will he let me sleep through hell?

My soul is lost roaming freely through

the place I never thought it would go

Can my eye’s handle the darkness

that is brought upon me?

Or will I one day appear back to the place I love?

Let my soul grow apart from this nightmare

and let the sun shine through me forgivingly

© 2009 brittneymarie


Author's Note

brittneymarie
This is a poem I wrote awile ago and recently just found in an old notebook

I know the grammer and rhythm isn't great, but please know that this is an old poem.
I would like your opinions on it and maybe help me improve it ?
thank you.

My Review

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Reviews

This was very good and very dark! i liked it a lot.I enjoyed the whole idea of it. I think if you expanded on it it would make the poem even better but its not necessary.i really like the description too.


Posted 15 Years Ago


I love it. [:
It was amazing, very dark.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

what did you do that was so bad? Hummm
Never mind lol I liked it. Maybe you could use some more colorful words to make it even better. Just thinking out loud ......

Kelley

Posted 15 Years Ago


this is wonderful, like this its deep, cool writ

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow this is really good, beautifully deep. :) nice write.

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DEEP

Posted 15 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Other than grammatical issues, I don't see any way you can improve upon this...
your imagery is fantastic, the struggle is evident, the longing, the poem almost reads as a prayer, a discussion with God about making things like they used to be...
Awesome.
Isn't it cool when you find something you've written a while back? I found my poem Mistress, and edited it a bit, and I wrote that poem at least ten years ago. :)

Posted 15 Years Ago



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7 Reviews
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Added on March 4, 2009
Last Updated on April 10, 2009

Author

brittneymarie
brittneymarie

..., PA



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22 years old, college bound, living free 😊 more..

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A Story by brittneymarie



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