Living What If's

Look back is never good

 

As I start to drift off and my mind lets go of the everyday control of my thoughts, I am drawn back to that apartment and all of the things I wish I’d done.  All of the should haves but didn’t's. I cannot help but try and rewrite the outcome of our story.  Like a choose your own adventure novel I’d make different choices, the right ones.  I wouldn’t have sat there bound by my fear I would have followed my heart into that bathroom and spoken my desire, not with my words but with my lips on yours. And yet as I ponder my actions and inactions I wonder if I ever really had a choice in the matter.  I feel as though my “choose your own adventure” is being dictated by someone else.  I know the things I would have done, the choices I would now make.  I know the things I would now say.  But I don’t have the luxury to stop the story and start all over again.  I would not be bound by fear; I’d be freed by love.  Something that I have learned not to be afraid of: love.  Though I cannot change the decisions I have already made I can consciously make better decisions from now on.  I know that if I had been there on that night I would have play angel on your shoulder to her devil in your mouth. But again, it was not my place to decide. Yet somehow I knew.  Though I must admit this is not the ending I foresaw.  Time changes everything.  You made the decision to do something you regret; I made the decision not to do something that I regret.  This is the stuff life has made out of us.  We must always learn from the repercussions of our actions.  I blame my fear and myself for my regret.  I blame her, and him, and yes, you, for your regret.  Maybe we are both better off in the end.  But only in the end can we ever really be sure of that.  And by then it’s too late to matter.

 

Reviews

[Haden]

ok, now i just want to call everyone i know and tell them all the things i should have said .... but then, i find myself quiet still. because the choices we make at the time are the very best, because sometimes by saying something you risk losing the very little that you actually get.
or, maybe it's best to live without the regret ... just open the door and kiss her ... let the pieces fall where they may and live without regret. hmm, now i'm pondering. love the food for thought!

[Angel's Lady]

I would not be bound by fear; I'd be freed by love. - THIS IS ABSOLUTELY A PERFECT LINE, AND I DO WISH I'D WRITTEN IT! (Jealousy is an ugly emotion, though, and I refuse to give in to it!) So, thank you for writing it!

What great thoughts are at work here! Terrific job!