Hospital Heart

 You say I am perfect, except I'm not, and I don't know how to make you understand, because every time i tell you, you request an explanation why. But you see the very moment that question leaves your lips, is the very moment I fall silent. Not because I can't think of any reasons on cue. Because I can't imagine telling you that my mind is constantly breaking itself down, throwing a riot against itself. That every day it breaks down, and has to be rebuilt all over again. How there are countless days i lay in bed assuring everyone I'm simply tired, or experiencing back pain, when really I'm scared to pull back the covers and face the world. I'm terrified because I don't have the energy to hold conversations, and let on that I'm interested, even though most moments my head is lost. I can't tell you that I've lost all motivation to participate in life. That i come home exhausted from listening to people's voices, and having to use my own. Or that I get so frustrated when this happens, that I rage against myself, but this only leads to more exhaustion. I don't tell you i wish to disappear, and that when i do, it's the only time i truly feel "fine." You look at me as though I'm a beautiful piece of glass - freshly shaped, painted, no dust yet settled on it's lip. Who am I to tell you I am closer to the smashed window of the abandoned hospital, across the tracks. A building that after trying so hard to fix the things within, learned to give up, and move on. That after some time, not one person will even know I've been here. You view me the same way a child views a barbie doll. The clean silky hair, still shiny, and untangled. The plastic not yet worn, and the options of who I may be - limitless. It is this exact kind of blind belief that i simply cannot bare to shatter. Yes, there is a never ending list of broken pieces within me, but when you say I am perfect, I do not argue. Not because I believe I am better than I know, but because I am hoping you never notice how incredibly blind your words are.

Reviews

[Heather]

So far my favorite piece you have created so far!!

I can relate to this so much and that it really important when trying to attract your readers!

I have read this for a few days straight because it is perfect

Keep writing :)

[Katerina Grev]

Love this! Fantastic job showing how people only look at the surface and don't understand that the deeper you go, the more layers there are. Also a great job showing that not everyone displays feelings of hopelessness on the outside and how even someone that looks perfect isn't. Love your how descriptive you are. Great job.

[Bryanna]

thank you so much!