Beyond What They See

16th poem

 

With her head on his chest

With all their troubles put to rest

They lay there under the tree

Looking beyond what they see

 

Beyond what they see

They see what they can be

Lovers till the day they die

He with no other girl, her with no other guy

 

He promises to guard her with his life

As long as they will become husband and wife

She nods to him, giving him her heart

Trusting that he will not rip it all apart

 

So now they lay under that tree

Thinking about what they will be

With love leading the way

There is nothing left for them to say

Reviews

[An Ever Present Agony]

*Drawing Parallels Between The Character's Lives and My Own*
*sniff sniff* I remember what that was like. Feeling all the love in the world and believing that it would never go away. Thank you for the eloquence in your work that allowed me to remember what it is to love and be loved in return.

[Jules]

This is so cute!! I loved the rhyme pattern you used, and I liked how you repeated some phrases and ideas, it really added to the poem. I loved the meaning behind this, and it made my smile!

[Moki]

This made me smile.

[AmberCRUNK]

simply amazing,
warms my heart.

takes me back to 2006.
pity, love never lead my way.


x

[Amy Carroll]

Nicely written poem. There is nothing better than the feeling of a first trusting true love. Of course, I have to admit it did seem like they were dead or dying. I think that is great though. It leaves more for the imagination. Good write. Thanks for sharing...

[Fabian G. Franklin]

A nice romantic write. Congratulations on this winning the Best In Romance contest.

[Lizzy]

I reveiwed this before with my old account but i'll reveiw it again all the same
=D

first and formost i really like it
good imagery created
and it's a nice sort of theme i think
all happy and stuff

awww
this rocks

=D

~Lizzie
xox

[Raef C. Boylan]

The limitations being placed on their lives, by themselves and what society has taught them, makes this kind of a sad read. But, at the same time, the two lovers believe in their love, so they're happy and that's a nice thing.

"With her head on his chest
With all their troubles put to rest" - i'd make the second "with" an 'and'.

"With love leading the way
There is nothing left for them to say" - i can't tell if it's a sad or happy ending, but i think you've done a good job of leaving it open at the end, for the readers to use their imaginations.

Thanks for posting this one.
Nice write.

[Juanita]

That was beautiful. It has a great flow, and you can feel the warmth of it as you read. There is nothing like being in love. This was enjoyable to read, thanks for sharing!

yay for happiness!

love this one....


.....yeh im sort of crap at reveiws

but oh well?


xXx

[Reality]

awww i love this image, and the "looking beyond what they can see" is well fitting title, well done :)

april