outside(r) (to) myself

The question was, "Describe a time where you felt like an outsider." Well, what if that's all the time? How do you describe that?

I feel like an “outsider” to myself. I search for rhyme and reason, yet my questions are never answered. Why do I feel so alone in a crowded room, yet content when I am truly by myself? Why is it that no matter how many compliments I receive, on my grades, on my art, on my performance, every time I look in the mirror my confidence drops to an even lower level? Maybe I should become an actor, because almost every day I am putting on an act.

            I look back to when I felt so comfortable in my own skin, happy, and I ask myself, “What went wrong?” I look in the mirror everyday and ask, “Who am I?” My answer cannot be found. I search through my body; I search in my closet; I search around my friends; I search within my life. I am lost. It is a downward spiral of unanswered questions and a clock that seems to have stopped ticking.

            Why can’t life just begin? What am I waiting for? Maybe if I began, I would not feel like such a stranger to myself. Maybe my reflection could finally become my friend. But how do I start? How do I find it? The hardest questions are the ones without answers. Will mine ever be answered? 

Reviews

[GunMetal]

Often when one is looking for something, and they can't find it, there's a method that for some reason seems to work sometimes. They stop looking for whatever it is and focus on other things to keep there mind off it. Then the answer just... comes to them.
This reminds me of something I wrote a while ago on the same subject, feeling like an outsider. I think I will post it now. Will send read request =).
[Insert compliments here; you deserve all of them].