The next life

If I become a t-shirt
I shall read "I used to be a human being"
And be bought by "rebels".

If I become a pair of trousers
I shall carry itching powder in the crotch
And be bought by "idiots".

If I become a shoe
I shall squeak even when not being worn
And be bought then persistently worn by lunatic businessmen.

And if I become an undergarment
Please make sure I'm in Playboy?