the Me in You

I wrote this about two, maybe three years ago...just wnated to see what you think.

 

I love the me I see in you,

I know that.

 

But do I love the you in you,

Or just the idea of the me that’s hiding,

Mixed in with the you?

 

Foolish as a butterfly,

That can never make up

Her flighty little mind…

 

Don’t touch my wings!

I won’t have an escape route to

Comfort my worrying,

My time spent waiting here

For you to finish your mourning

Of the you I killed.

Slaughtered, with such precision and glamour

That you hardly noticed when a slice was gone.

 

It left you limping,

I admit that, at least.

 

My little injured bird,

I can care for you like no other.

Strip that, peel and toss and ground this

In to your skin…

 

You will find that you can never win…

 

Once I loved the me I saw in me…

Or was it supposed to be you?

Author's Note

Just the basics - grammar, spelling, flow, etc. be brutal.

Reviews

[Kara Emily Krantz]

you really want me to be brutal?? you're not just sayiing that?? lol

okay cuz honestly, i really like this piece. it has some great concepts. it's just sort of all over the place and a bit of a mess at times

"I love the me I see in you,I know that. But do I love the you in you,Or just the idea of the me that's hiding,Mixed in with the you? "

I love that. I think it's a great beginning> :) really got me thinking right away.

"Foolish as a butterfly,That can never make upHer flighty little mind� "

who are you talking about here? i guess i'm assuming yourself. i guess the "her" part threw me off

"Don't touch my wings!I won't have an escape route toComfort my worrying,"

that was a little confusing. because you mention wings, bu ti dont udnerstand why having them touched would ruin your escape route. that could use a little explaining, lol. but i like it!

"My time spent waiting hereFor you to finish your mourningOf the you I killed.Slaughtered, with such precision and glamourThat you hardly noticed when a slice was gone. It left you limping,I admit that, at least. "

oKay i think i got this a little bit better with this last read. so you changed him, made him a different person - and he didn't realize it til later? and then he's mourning it

"Once I loved the me I saw in me�Or was it supposed to be you?"

that ending just killed it for me. i really dont get it. I mean, i know where you wre going with it, but i dont GET it... it just doesn't make any impact on me, because i'm too confused. LOL

i hope you dont mind. I honestly wasn't going to say antyhing, because i really do like it - but then you said be brutal. ......

hugs!!!!

[Emily B]

oh, wow! What a write.

[I Am THE LADY POET]

A Beautiful piece I enjoyed it thanks for sharing.