Forever Questioning Why

I didn't pull the trigger
When the gun was against my head
Often times I look back
And my only wish is that I had

What is my purpose in this place
Is it to accept the pain
That others bestow upon me
And live an undesired life

Or am I to give what I cannot
Spreading good thoughts
That I clearly do not have
Or ever will

My will to go on withers
As does my desire to do so
Yet still I push on
Forever questioning why