Crazy stare

 

Familiar me walks around with Crazy stare.

Feeling numb, avoiding the feelings of my own lair.

I burned my own chair, perhaps life is never fair.

 

In the river of eyes, I am nothing but a prince of fools

Passing by as if I look cool.

But that's okay, I don't mind,

as long as I am true to my own kind.

 

Sigh!

 

 

Author's Note

I always thought that I am ugly, but I really wonder why people do stare or I always felt their stares at me. As If I am weird in their eyes, as if there is something wrong with me. I can't shove out the feeling of negativity in their eyes. sigh...

thank you for reading my piece, a special thanks to Pax for helping me on Rhyming.

Reviews

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Oh, Lord! You really take me back. When I was in middle school, I had a crush on this boy named Chris. For the life of me now, I can't imagine why; but back then, he was everything.

I'll never forget ... one day in the cafeteria, my friend and I had gotten our lunch, and were at the table about to sit down. Angie set her tray down first, pulled out her chair, and then, sat down. I had pulled out my chair, had tray in hand, and was in the process of sitting down. Unbeknownst to me, she was joking around and had pulled the chair out from underneath me.

As you can imagine, I went down, a*s-first, to the floor; and my tray clattered like church bells on a Sunday morning, resounding loudly throughout the whole cafeteria. The next thing I heard was the loud cacophany of laughter, as every other kid in that cafeteria busted out laughing. I was never more embarassed in all of my life.

As I looked up, in that whole sea of faces, I only saw one - laughing and pointing and joking with the rest of them - CHRIS! I could have died on that spot at that very moment. OMG! How I wanted to die!

This affected me for years. I remember times when I'd, say, be walking through the mall; and I would hear a group of girls laughing; and it would automatically send me spinning back in time to that cafeteria. I just knew they were laughing at me.

When I turned to look, however, they didn't even know I existed. It was all in my head, a reflection of my own lack of self-confidence, the fear of ridicule that had been soaked into my skin in a second.

I can feel the contradiction within yourself, and I think what you're seeing in the eyes of others is really but a reflection of what you are feeling. Our lack of self-confidence wills negativity onto others, but it's not necessarily true. For the most part, I think that people are too busy, wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of daily life, to ever take notice of anyone else; and in those rare moments when they do, the thoughts are so shallow that you couldn't even dip your baby toe into them.

The trick is to be confident in yourself and to worry about what you think about yourself. If there's something you're unhappy with, do everyhing within your power to change it. No one has more power than you to make you happy.

[captain]

Your words makes me glad and encourage me more to win the battle within. Your shared experienced is quite relateable, many times of my life I had been laugh at to the stupid mistakes I had done. That thought lingers around that I become the loner I am today. Most of the time I become shy and distant to others. Now I am trying to change that, winning the battle is crucial to be a better person I could be. I am highly grateful with this, thank you very much.

[Corset]

you'd be surprised to find out just how many people feel this way too, I can name on one hand the people I know who actually like their own face or body, you have described this feeling so well, but just so you know in human nature people don't usually stare at people they dont find interesting, if the way you look makes them feel uncomfortable usually they don't stare, they will look away or try not to make eye contact, if they stare they like what they see or your toupee is on fire! lol :) your name reminds me of a cool song i'm posting.

[FateDictates]

Does it always flow so effortlessly? I love the way you're open to being exposed and honest.. it resonates a truth that makes what you write feel like it is simply a story of someone I know being told to me in person..
pretty cool skills oh Captain..may you find some stormy seas and sail into the sunset..returning with rhymes...

[captain]

Thank you very much for you kind comment. I had help from a friend. I so appreciate your reivew, MeOnlyMe.

[Ranger Kessel]

keep writing. i feel the same way sometimes but its getting easier to let it go

[captain]

Thank you, Kassel. It so nice to hear that, making me not so alone in this kind of feeling. I am getting there upon letting go of this kind of emotion.

[Frontier]

"Feeling numb, avoiding the feelings of my own lair.

I burned my own chair" - interesting imagery

Others are reflections of how we feel about ourselves. :)

[captain]

Thank you Frontier. I am glad you like it!

[Zahra]

Interesting, very nicely penned

[captain]

Thank you very much!

[Kasey Miriam]

All your poems I can relate to. This poem is so powerful. I honestly don't find myself pretty at all. I have always dressed up to make myself feel better. I was always made fun of and looked down upon throughout school. I was so affected by the looks I got in school whenever and where ever I walk I block out all the faces around me. Thank you for sharing these poems.

[captain]

Thank you, Kasey. Relating yourself upon this piece makes me happy and not so alone in this feeling. With that I am really appreciative to you, my new friend.

[Kasey Miriam]

you are welcome. your work is beautiful. really great job friend.

[An owl on the moon]

Your words flow into that dark place of wondering... took me back to a time when I had so many cold, harsh stares in my life... they brought me to a place of emptiness. May you only find your soul rising up with a new fire to conquer the night always.

[captain]

I wish someday, thank so much.

[emmajoy]

We are what we are, our skin, our features, our limbs and they're only what people see in passing. But what really matters, what really shows, is the smile on your lips and in your eyes. Not the silly grin, but just the display of 'I'm happy in my skin and i make a good friend.' That's what matters and i have a feeling that's exactly who and what you are. Your writing is so fine, the content quite beautiful, walk proud.

[captain]

Thank you so much.

[junaid altaf]

you made your point so clear
well done poet

[captain]

thank you!

[Renée]

Why do we see the negative in ourselves? I can relate to this.. sometimes I feel…so awkward..even sitting quiet in a room of people..I am self conscious.. as if I stand out like a sore thumb.. instead of another human being in a social situation…I do think things we endure in child hood..has a lot to do with this response…but in realizing it…we can change the reaction…but are times…that self doubt creeps in, and I can only appear to be like everyone else.. and then I wonder…perhaps everyone feels this way?

[captain]

too self conscious, maybe I am one. I do think also its part of the childhood bad experiences. Perhaps everyone can feel this way but not everyone has the same reaction to it. I think it really depends on the person, us, on how to handle this kind of situation in our mind. Thank you Renee, I am trying to over come this and shove out the flooding negativity on my mind.

[Renée]

I think we constantly grow Captain .. little steps all the time ( :