I hate William. I hate him so much.

I hate the fact that in here, in this crowded place with bodies upon bodies and faces blurring to the next, he would shine. Forevermore... out in front of me, begging the attention of every single person in here. Every lost soul, every fucking waste of space, every single one of these maggots in the festering corpse that was the night scene would seek him out. The guys would want to be him and the girls would want him.

He’s like a leech that sticks inside you and drains you out. No, maybe more like a drug... because the more he hurts you the more you want him. It doesn’t matter the things he would do to you, the way he would make you feel so small and so pathetic, or the way he would make you feel like you couldn’t measure up to the other girls in the room... one stupid little gesture, no matter how cheap, would win you over.

Just one kiss... and I would be his in an instant.

I love William. I love him so fucking much.

“Spider!  What the fuck, girl?” I heard a voice yell at me through the searing sounds of the crowd. I look up and see Tony staring back at me from the microphone with one eyebrow arched in question. “You start this one off!”

“Oh- right, fuck, sorry!” I mumbled and started picking a memorised riff. Half way into my solo I wondered if I was even playing the right song. But since Tony didn’t start yelling at me again I took it as a sign to just keep playing.

I tried not to look up into the crowd again, but just knowing he was there was enough to eat away at me. It burned and burned and burned... my God I just wanted him to go away. For a brief moment my eyes could have turned black and I could have launched myself into the crowd to smash him into a bloody pulp with my guitar.

I saw myself do it anyway. I liked it.

I shook my head and looked up, keeping my fingers strumming. My eyes found him immediately, diving straight into his ice blue orbs that watched my every movement. For that moment, with our eyes locked, a smile I couldn’t fight formed on my face. William was mine, or at least it felt that way. My beautiful William with jet black hair that fell messily upon his face and shoulders, and his pale white skin that you would thirst to touch, and his bright pink lips that you would thirst to kiss. I could not hurt my William, he was mine and I was his.

He had marked me. And I had let him.

Our eyes disconnected just as Tony assaulted the microphone with a boisterous cheer. “Thank you! All of you! All of you fuckers! Yeah, thanks for coming out tonight!” And another series of animal like screams that seemed to excite the audience followed. I turned and saw Gunther walking off the stage to the backstage area with his bass, and I decided to follow. Tony and I crossed paths just as I unplugged by guitar and began walking off. “Well done you little fuck, keep an eye on the set list next time alright?”

I didn’t answer; I just walked away and stormed into the backstage area, the rage of being spoken to like a retarded child boring through me like some sort of parasite. I threw my guitar onto the battered couch there and carried on towards the bathroom door, twisting the knob to pull the door open heavily. “Spider? What the fuck! I locked-” Gunther didn’t get to finish his sentence, I grabbed him by the collar and threw him out. He fell to the ground outside, his ripped jeans around his ankles. I slammed the door behind me. “You stupid bitch!” I heard him yell out in complaint before groaning in pain.

Placing my hands on the sink in front of me I let the wrath wash over me. The feeling was glorious, like standing in the middle of a storm, each little drop of water a memory that snowballed with the next, adding to the anger, adding to the hate. It brewed inside me, threatening to rip through my chest. My hand grasped the front of my blouse and I held it there, certain I was about to explode.

My gaze dragged up the sink and stained bathroom tiles, finding its way to the filthy mirror in front of me. I saw myself behind the dirt and the scum that stuck to the chipped, cracked glass. A small stream of blood trickled down my chin from my lips... I had bit my lip without even realising it.

Disgusted at the sight in the mirror, I wiped my chin with the back of my hand before turning to swing the door open. I nearly walked straight into him.

“William-” I gasped, seeing him staring back at me with that devious little smile he always wore. His pearly white teeth shimmered in the dim light and I was under his spell once more.

“My love,” he said, his voice like a soft breeze that swept over me, “Where does my lovely Spider go? Wandering so far from her web...” He placed a hand on my cheek, his icy cold touch freezing me in place immediately. “Didn’t you promise me a drink right after your gig?” he grinned, making me shudder.

“Well here I am,” I whispered, my voice escaping my lips before I could even think to conjure the words. “I’m all yours,” I said. He smirked and took a step closer, his hand trailing down from my cheek to my neck... travelling lower still. My eyes slid shut as I felt his hot breath meet my ear.

“All mine,” he mused, “My beautiful Leila...” he whispered.

My green eyes flew open then. Leila... a name I hadn’t heard in so long... and yet it belonged to me. The sound of those two syllables rang inside my head, ricocheting me into the last memory I had of being called Leila... the last time I was Leila. Before I became this vessel for hate and blood lust...

I remember William holding me down at the bottom of a stairwell, and I remember gasping for air. I remember the way I used to look with short hair and cute little bright coloured spaghetti straps and short skirts. And I remember when I stopped being Leila... and when I became Spider Cyanide. A name that didn’t exist for a girl who was nothing more than a ghost of a bad memory waiting to be exorcised... I grew my hair long to hide the bruises and scars, and I wore long sleeved black clothes for the same reason. All these formed a facade against the truth of what I was. I hated the others because the reminded me of myself... just zombies in the night light, just a drone for draining.

A face that meant nothing, and a heart meant for breaking.

I awoke to a recognisable feeling of euphoria, the neon light above me stinging my eyes as I struggled to keep them open. I felt a dull ache in my neck, and the warm feeling of blood cascading down my flesh. “William,” I whispered, barely audible through the neon buzz, the only sound in the silent room... besides the soft sound of his breathing.

His face swam into view as he looked up at me, blood smeared across his lips and streaming down his chin. He grinned, flashing his crimson stained fangs before he leant down to kiss me. The metallic taste lingered in my mouth long after his tongue had left it.

And without a word, he got up to leave.

“William,” I stammered, slightly louder as I held a hand out to try and grab for his. “S-stay,” I said softly, “Please...”

He picked a towel up and wiped his lips, smirking at me. “Leila my sweet... I’ll return to you soon enough,” he said and tossed the towel at me, hitting me in the face. He straightened his cuffs and collar. “I’ll leave you presents if you’re good,” he grinned.

I had nothing left to say, I just held the towel to my neck and turned my gaze to the floor as he left. I watched as the puddle of blood under me grew, tears streaming down my face as thoughts made war in my head. I both longed for his return and wished for his demise.

My beautiful William... I would be frozen in time, in this moment forever, no matter the hate I felt for him... and no matter how invisible he made me feel...

My beautiful William... a kiss and I was his forever.