Urgent Call As Reported By Sgt. Blake Stone

Urgent Police Call Report - as written up by Sgt Blake Stone

Urgent Call As Reported By Sgt. Blake Stone

Urgent Call As Reported By Sgt. Blake Stone

Friday July 4th, 2009

I was just lying around in the squad car last week, sipping on coffee and finishing up my last of the dozen chocolate cream filled doughnuts when I got the call. It was approximately 2 in the afternoon.

It awoke me from my hazy slumber and made me pay attention – as if I should be actually earning my pay.

Anyways, there was a Code 3 on the radio – meaning that a cat had scratched a sofa cushion.

I slowly slipped on my shoes and put away the porn magazine and woke up my partner Joe, who had fallen asleep in the backseat of the cruiser.

The 911 call was to a house a block away from us.
I turned the key, switched on the lights and siren and floored the gas…hitting the highway at 120 mph. Coming to a sudden stop, I rammed the front of the house steps as Joe and I grabbed our shotguns and burst through the front door.

Odd, I stepped inside to find the house empty…then I realized that we had the wrong house on the wrong street.
We hopped back in the car, I reversed the vehicle, then raced off around the corner, narrowing the kids playing street hockey.

One of the kids whacked the window of the car with a stick. I stopped, jumped out, Joe grabbed the kid and we slammed him up against the hood, bashing his head against the fender as we searched him and tazered him.

Joe asked his name and checked for weapons on the kid…apparently he had a hockey stick hidden in his shorts and we had to cuff him up and lay a beating to him.

After laying boots to him for 5 minutes, we shackled him up and threw him in the backseat, knocking his head on the door frame.

He lay unconscious in the back seat and Joe and I were able to continue with our mission.

Once again in true swat style, Joe and I kicked in the door, began firing a round of bullets into the walls and ceilings and then began looking around.

I was overwhelmed that my training in watching every CSI and N.Y.P.D. Blue episode ever produced had become useful.

This tactical move was a very skilled trait that I have now mastered and can competently perform in any required incident.

Now as nobody was present, I carefully made my way into the kitchen, opened the fridge door and took out a beer and the remaining apple pie. I had to test the beer and pie for evidence as to see whether the items had any drug inducing composites that may have encouraged this sort of violence from the cat.

Joe, whom was rifling through the drawers of the bedroom, assured me that the Rolex watch and gold rings and women’s lingerie were also suspected of being stolen property from an ongoing criminal investigation in November, 1824; so he made every attempt to carefully contain all the evidence in his pockets for later inspection.

Now as I recall - that’s when the cat jumped out from behind the closet door with a machete and wielding an axe. The cat which was obviously high on crack and methamphetines at the time was swearing and threatening us.

It was a very unruly cat and was trying to kill my partner Joe, who was cowering in the corner because of this evil creature.

The couch which we had passed was very distinctly marked with Swastikas and gang insignia. This is a sign that the cat was into some heavy criminal element; possibly due to the amount of marijuana which was scattered on the table.

It was my quick, effective and imperative decision that I blast that homicidal kitten with every bullet I had, so that Joe; my good friend and co-worker and honest officer and myself would not be mauled to death by this insane, hideous creature.

As the cat was swinging ferociously with every move it made, I realized that I had to empty every round I had into this unstoppable beast.

I ended up using 12 rounds of ammo and Joe also unloaded all his fire on this beast.

The cat still was hard to settle.

At that time, it was just luck that I happened to have a grenade in my back pocket and as the animal made another attack towards me, I jammed the grenade in its mouth and pulled the pin.

At last, the vile, demonic spirit was put to rest. Of course I regret that I had to result to using force in such a dramatic circumstance, however I feel very assured that the neighborhood is a far safer place and the residents of the area can sleep better knowing that Joe and I were on duty to end and increasing threats to the community.

The couch was preserved with minor damage and at present is still in use by the woman in the house.

I feel though she is nearly 95 years of age, which she appreciates the security that the force offers her and others in the community.

It has been my honor to protect and serve my city with pride, dignity and the respect that I will adhere to all dangerous and non-threatening situations in the near future.

SGT. BLAKE STONE

Reviews

[Rye]

this is such a wonderful write and cute like the part of the hommcidal kitty