DAY THREE: DOGS, DIRT AND NAILS

Jus' tryin' to get my Groove back after not writing for so long...

DAY THREE:  DOGS, DIRT AND NAILS

I fell asleep on the love seat and Katrina was in her favorite position, behind my knees curled up and lookin’ all cute and s**t.  About 4 a.m., I woke up and thought I was having a heart attack, heavy pressure on my chest and I couldn’t breathe. That 40 pound dog decided that sleeping on my chest with her nose in my ear was a more comfortable place to “snuggle”.  Folks, I have never had what anyone would call “bosoms”, so it’s pretty much chest bone, skin and two B-cup bumps:   no MawMaw “cushions”.  My first thought was “Awwww…she loves her Mama”, immediately followed by “This fat wart hog is crushing my chest�"Jeezus! I can’t breathe!”  I tried not to hurt her “feelings” and to move her gently to my side…which made a strong argument that I really need to work on my arm strength.  Dear God in Heaven, it was like trying to get out from under a small car!  Finally, got her moved, relieved the pressure on my chest, and she literally rolled her eyes at me as if to say “What a wimp!” If she was a human female child of mine, oohhhh…it’d have been on and poppin’! But…she is a dog, and one I love (never mind the money invested in adoption fees--$160 per dog!--puppy vet appointments--$300 per visit for worming and shots, and ordering new halters and collars every two weeks as they grow while they sleep…aaannnnd that expensive-a*s Hill’s Science Diet that the Humane Society insisted we feed them when we were fostering them and now that’s just their food).  If someone stole them, I seriously think I could press grand larceny charges at this point based on the funds I’ve got invested in those heathen beasts.

 

Mr. B., in his muttering and puttering yesterday decided that the top of the dryer and the washing machine was the perfect place to start his “seeds” before moving them to his little greenhouse.  Now, I really shouldn’t complain since I did not have to participate in that endeavor, however, now I have dirt, wait…let me qualify that, I have expensive “seeding soil” on the top of my dryer and on the floor in front of said dryer.  Add some crushed eggshells and I remembered when I first realized that Satan had invented Legos for parents who spoiled their kids and had a really bad flashback.  Still, I didn’t have to help him, so I’ll just DustBuster it up and literally suck it up.

Many years ago, I used to do my own nails--tips with acrylic powder and liquid, file…file…file, apply three coats of polish with two coats of top coat�"good to go for 10 days.  Several years back, I decided that I could afford to have them done…I still can.  What I can’t afford is to drive with the amount of Valium I’d have to take to sit that s**t out now that I have no patience for sitting with people I don’t know who want to small talk. *shudder*   Sooo…since I’m not working, I decided that I had the time to do my own acrylics again.  Nail product has improved and you can get Apple scented drops for that overwhelming acrylic liquid smell…however, it’s been three days and I’m filing…and filing…and have decided that if Mr. B. can afford all the fancy equipment he needs to brew beer and make homemade sausage, then I can afford the cab to drive me to the nail salon properly Valium-ed up.  Marriage is all about compromise, you know…..

 

This has been the Biloxi, MS Morning Show, brought to you by strong coffee, my increasing (Thank God!) desire to just write…regardless of content, and my refusal to participate in sanctioned group therapy…

 

Miz Carol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[roarke]

Great personality in this write. An entertaining narrative to explore. Enjoyed.

[Miss Fedelm]

We have a cat that smashes us at night. Only 20 lbs, so I can imagine how the dog felt.

[Einstein Noodle]

love your write Ms. Carol ... glad your back at it ... the offering of three anecdotal life scenes comes from the nitty gritty and made me smile ... your a gem (as all women are) to put up with men who fart and leave dirt everywhere ... especially in the name of brewing ;) sure loved the read ma'am
E.

[Paul Bell]

You could say, your dog had a crush on you.
Sending you money for bigger b***s. So this doesn't happen again in the future. I like how you go from dog, to seeds, to nails. All quite effortlessly.
Don't be hoovering up the cannabis seeds now, they're precious. Good to see you back. Missed the madness.

[emmajoy]

'.. If someone stole them, I seriously think I could press grand larceny charges at this point based on the funds I’ve got invested in those heathen beasts. '

Okay so I was near off to bed, BUT now have aching ribs cos i've laughed so much!! Where have you bin, missus,missed you and you wickedly wonderful words! And this is no exeption.

How come you can go from fat warm hog and worming.. to 'washing machine was the perfect place to start his “seeds” before moving them to his little greenhouse. Now, I really shouldn’t complain (but you did, just a spit) and then, then, off and away to self-help prospecting for nails a go-go for beauty and.. added to that, ignoring gossiping bounty hunters or other way around.. Your language just tosses and turns giggles to grins to laughter so deep in my belly that.. now, i need read you again.. right to the end of your writing prowess and power - in all probability, to keep me awake with such gorgeously extravagant language, style and all.

Sorry, blathered.. happy. :) Welcome back..

[Carol Cashes]

Working those writing muscles...and learning to type with nails again....

[genocide]

I still need some reviews my dear

[barleygirl]

The first thing I love about your uninhibited fun rant is the way your personality shines thru with an attractive mix of honesty & loveability. You inject just the right amount of righteous indignation, while keeping things light, & with a liberal dose of exaggeration. Another thing I love is the way you combine these somewhat disparate topics into a purposeful whole . . . some of my prose takes a proper meander, too, so reading you helps me justify my own aging inability to write linearly anymore! *wink! wink!* Good word crafting with "suck it up" . . . (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Carol Cashes]

I haven't written anything more than work emails that consist of "Attached please find the following documents" for about 6 weeks. These little "journal entries" have been the perfect "easing back into" writing.

However, I must declare that the tone of these little pieces is actually me "typing out loud." It's how my brain views things...generally. I have a serious "dark side" evidenced by Labor of Love.

I so appreciate your reading these fumbling attempts at re-entering Café Society. And jus' so's ya know: meandering is a lost art form. Wander at Will, barleygirl.

[barleygirl]

Tons of smiles!