Birth Of An Anxious Mother

(As a 20 year old, with a baby in a premature unit for a month, I was only too aware of infant mortality)

My baby daughter couldn't wait

to leave the safety of my womb.

Ignoring all predicted dates,

she made her entrance far too soon.

Then whisked away when she arrived,

six weeks early, feather weight

and stolen from me she was placed

inside a box to incubate.

Fed with mother's milk expressed,

she stayed until her lungs grew strong,

but separation played a part,

an anxious mother, I was born.

Whose eyes would watch her every move,

the rise and fall of each short breath,

a frequent touch of her soft flesh,

so fearful I of infant death.

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

thankyou for sharing such a special momentous time in your life however very anxious and new and worrying for you.
so glad you shared this and all your emotions i felt it in your poem
thanks again for sharing a personal moment or moments in your life
i had 3 babies all full term and 4 miscarriages. its a time in our life we recall well. changed us all (mothers) for ever.

[Chris Shaw]

Hello Julie, yes childbirth without doubt changes us forever, especially with the first born. Learning to be a mum, takes time.

Chris

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

yes sometimes a lifetime of mistakes
but its never too late i feel
thankyou Chris

[Chris Shaw]

I think being a very young mum isn't always helpful either :)) Age can make a huge difference. With age comes experience.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

ok maybe i tried my best i was an older mother but im sure made many mistakes

[Chris Shaw]

There is no text book mum. Becoming a mum in my opinion is the most difficult job you undertake. All of us would have made mistakes, on reflection.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

yes i agree

[KWP]

When do we, as mothers stop being anxious. With two teenage boys I see them growing into men and as I watch them interpret the word in their own unique way, well I know we haven’t done a bad job at all.

Your daughter, I wonder is she still impatient?

[Chris Shaw]

You are of course right KWP. We never lose that anxiety where our kids are concerned. My daughter impatient? Nope, she's turned out to be quite laid back :)) Thank you for checking in.

Chris

[angel]

Oh! I had the same experience, back in 1977. My daughter, Elisabeth June, now a middle-ager in Pennsylvania, was premature. They said she had something called 'Hyaline Membrane Disease. Almost a month in the incubator before
I could take her home, visiting her daily, expressing milk for the nurses to feed her via a stomach tube.
I know how it feels.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you angel. You will remember exactly how it felt. Most unpleasant at a time which shoud be joyful. Your visit appreciated.

Chris

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

The fear of every new mother multiplied by 100! Through your eloquent words, I feel your heart breaking as your premature infant daughter was “stolen” from you and placed into an incubator. You bring us into the room with you as you helplessly watch her fragile life flutter. My friend, how anxious and fearful you were. Your emotional verses and powerful language and imagery convey this well. Thank God all went well after that- so happy for you. I know you watched her fiercely and protectively like a mother lion with her cub, and still do. Xo:))

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you dear Annette. Yes it was a very anxious time. Those early weeks were quite difficult, but all turned out well and she put on weight quickly afterwards. Us mothers are so protective of our young ones aren't wee. Thank you for your thoughtful response, I know you understand.

Chris

[Wild Rose]

Wonder you didn't shed tears while you waited

Anxious when you took her home > Would she break
When she first went to school and the house was empty and you alone no one to talk to or play with

[Chris Shaw]

Too anxious to cry. And yes when I took her home, she was so little I was afraid I wouldn't be able to care for her properly. All anxiety, and it all worked out well. Thank you Wild Rose.

Chris

[Lorry]

Every parents nightmare, perfectly captured in your words that read to me like you were holding your breath while writing or saying them, as the reader was reading them. It is only when life and death is beyond our control that we could begin to comprehend the all encompassing fear that these first precious moments of knowing danger to yours is present, that we can begin to scratch the surface of what it is like to go through. Pure love means we would gladly swap places to end their suffering and make them better, but when is life ever that simple?
Pain, hope and fear, perfectly expressed.

[Chris Shaw]

Yes Lorry, the fear of not knowing whether everything would work out well, in an environment where other babies were dying. It really did cause me anxiety. Checking all the measurements of milk intake etc, regularly to make sure she was getting sufficient. Monitoring every tiny bit of progress until she was strong enough to take home. Thank you Lorry you always give such thoughtful reviews.

Chris

[Lorry]

You're very welcome :)

[Ardra]

Motherhood changes us .... we are more aware of our little ones needs than ours and to wait to watch for her to grow strong must have been a real struggle.... the poem beautifully conveys your feelings...((hugs))

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Ardra, how true. Motherhood does change us a great deal. Thank you for your lovely review.

Chris

[sette]

the love of a mother for a child is simply amazing beyond words we have all experienced that anxiety but then the happiness cannot be equated

[Chris Shaw]

How true sette, a mother's love for her child is beyond words. We all have to learn how to be a good mum though, and that comes with experience. Can be daunting in the early days.

Chris

[Beccy]

Such fragile little things even when full term and perfectly well.

'Whose eyes would watch her every move.' Indeed, and you still do; it cannot be helped, she is a part of the whole, as all children are.

Beautifully written.

Beccy.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Beccy. Yes it is that vulnerability of that tiny bundle of joy when you are a new mum. Takes time to gain confidence, and that comes with experience. Thank you for your lovely response.

Chris

[Jimmy Yetts]

Real-life drama.
This was--as you've so eloquently indicated--an almost unbearable strain; posing an inconceivable disaster.
Isn't it wonderfully reassuring when such dangers are now only memories?

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Jimmy. Yes though early days were drama filled, but after a while, it all slips into place and becomes more natural.

Chris