Close Up and Personal

How he loved to visit,
stamping his heavy feet
on the doormat of my page.
Dissecting each line,
a picky stickler for beat,
particular with punctuation,
with a penchant for a pinch
and a fetish for a punch.

I always had that hunch
that he fancied me from afar.
Not content with editing,
he rewrote my lines,
left his scent all over my work.

What a jerk.
I can think of better ways
to attract attention.
A bit of flattery no doubt
might have warmed my feelings,
his constant abuse didn't.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

he just wanted attention...and reminds me of one who doesn't get affection from one he pursues...so makes it his business to make her pay in other ways...
i like how you use the writing idea here...but this can easily be allegory for males who just hate being rebuked...and try to get revenge...
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks Jacob, I like your take on these lines and appreciate your continuing support.
read moreMany thanks Jacob, I like your take on these lines and appreciate your continuing support.

Chris

[Cassie]

And that jerk already went away, I hope he read this...( laughing at him)

[Chris Shaw]

Long time ago Cassie and on another site. Must be seven years at least, just when I was really getting in to writing and posting.

Chris

[sette]

whew a jerk and basically most jerks are gifted with super egos....

[Chris Shaw]

Hello sette, how lovely to see you have paid me a visit. Delighted at the call. Your thoughts of course filled with wisdom. Hope all is good with you in your world. You are missed when you are away.

Chris

[Cherrie Palmer]

Oh yeah nothing like a ego crazed critic, with no sense of style or rhythm.
Very nicely written.

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Cherrie. The top of his ego stretched above mountain summits way into the clouds :) Pleased for your visit.

Chris

[Dave]

Chris -
Your calibre of writing doesn't need or deserve the kind of abuse he heaps upon you. Just scan all the positive things remark here about your writing. Why pay any attention to this person who offers you little.
Keep writing and I'll read it. If I can't find something positive to say, which I believe is rarely, I won't say anything.

Take care - Dave

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Dave. In the past and on another site. An old poem out for an airing. You always find one or two in life who play this sort of card. I have been most fortunate at wc. People here are generally very respectful. I have been fortunate.

Chris

[gram linski]

Good poem, Chris not sure if it is a lover or a mentor that is the dick here, great use of language and rhyme,

[Chris Shaw]

Hello gram thank you for your review. Just to say I wouldn't tolerate a lover who was a dick, this was someone who fancied himself as a mentor :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A flowing vitriolic repost to someone who has definately not endeared himself to you Chris. Several people do the same thing to different degrees. I guess I like a mix myself as platitudes don't effect growth.

[Chris Shaw]

You are of course right about platitudes, but they are far less harmful than abuse. Many thanks John for your visit. Have a great day.

Chris

[John Alexander McFadyen]

So who was this perpetrator?

[Chris Shaw]

No one here. On a other site.