If

(If only there was a choice to alleviate the suffering at the end of life. Written for my Mum) One from the archives.

If I could choose the season,

the hour and the place,

she'd be seated in my garden

with a smile upon her face.

Not a trace of fear of anguish,

not a sign of wretched pain,

while admiring pink azaleas

still wet from early rain.

Overhead the winged kites soaring,

spring sky a mottled blue,

a parting in the mourning cloud

would let the sun break through.

Melodious notes of birdsong,

a chorus of delight

would be the last thing that she'd hear

before her soul took flight.

Reviews

[lightsong]

such a tender sincerely heartwarming words for Your mom dear Chris, I do remember that she is far from You in a nursing home, I hope I'm not mistaken here, unfortunately we can't get hold of many things in life, sometimes we make hard decisions even if they are painful knowing it's the best to do.

[Chris Shaw]

You remember well Light. Mum is 200 miles away. I would rather she was nearer, but that isn't possible, so we all take it in turns to visit. She does get to see us frequently and my step Dad visits everyday. She is much loved and it is painful to see her a shell of her former vibrant self with no appetite for living. I appreciate your kind thoughts so much.

Chris

[lightsong]

that's sad dear Chris, but I know that she feels Your love for her and that gives her more strength and warmth.

sending You both the happiest best wishes*

[Chris Shaw]

You are so kind, and I thank you and send you all good wishes for yourself:)

[CD Campbell]

Your poem is a beacon of bright and positive imagery, even if it is connected to a painful situation. It's a beautiful work. It reminds me of the sudden death of my father and the pangs of guilt of not being there with him towards the end. It reminds me to seize every moment with all my loved ones. But most of all, it reminds me that there can be beauty in any occasion, even if it is all just a passing desire in our own minds. Thanks Christine.

[Chris Shaw]

CD, that is one lovely review you have left me. There is beauty everywhere and in situations when you least expect it. Thank you for sharing your story as well. Your Father would not want you to suffer guilt because you weren't with him at the end. With sudden deaths, that isn't possible. All the best.

Chris

[Chris Shaw]

Yes Aurora, a soul lifting write. Now if only that could happen then some of us would rest easy and grieve in peace knowing our Mother was no longer suffering. Many thanks for reading.

Chris

[Aurora]

What a soul-lifting write! At par with the metaphysical poets up there.

[Chris Shaw]

Oops responded in the wrong place. Please look further up the page.

[Anjeline]

A really great tribute to your mother and I am sure she must be very proud of you wherever she is. I loved the line- a parting in the mourning cloud. It has a emotional edge which really compliments the beautiful poem. It also reminds me of my grandmother who left for heaven some months ago and so I really felt attached to the poem

[Chris Shaw]

Hlo Anjeline. I am pleased this little poem reminded you of your Grandmother. You must miss her a great deal. May she RIP. Thank you so much for checking in.

Chris

[kentuck14]

I was sitting there in your garden with your mom . . . Your poetry is not only a good read, your technical forms are near perfect. Congratulations . . . get these things published!!!
Tom

[Chris Shaw]

Thanks Tom. One day I may get round to it, but for now I'm content enough posting here :) Pleased I brought you into my garden. It is my delight.

Chris

[LE Berry]

What a wonderful daughters wish, one I suppose many have. I lost my mother a few years back, and I remember trying to give her all she might need. But it so seldom seems to work out as we want.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much for your visit and your lovely review. All good wishes.

Chris

[ettorney]

Really sweet poem. Great imagery and good form and flow.

Critique: careful of your verb tense. Keep it consistent within the piece.

For example. You write:

Overhead the winged kites soaring
Spring sky a mottled blue
A parting in the mourning cloud
Would let the sun shine through.

Soaring and parting are present tense active. While, “would let” is future tense passive.

Try letting instead of would let and youll be consistent.

Question. Are you the mourning cloud?

Note. I only critique to make better writers! Well done.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much for your visit. Your thoughts and critique most welcome. All good wishes.

Chris

[Relic]

That special love and bond between a poet and parent bring out some of the best writing like that shown here. :)

[Chris Shaw]

Many thanks Tim. I appreciate your thoughts. All good wishes.

Chris

[@_av_poetry]

Beautiful poem. Deeply sad, very real. It touches the heart. I think a lot of people can relate to this.

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you so much for your lovely review. It really pleases me that these lines will mean something to others. All good wishes.

Chris