The Fatal Blow

Fred, why'd you have to go? It wasn't your time; not yet. We had plans for great things, mate. I feel empty inside now whenever I crack a joke and I don't hear your laugh the normally follows.

The feeling of dread engulfed my body. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. There was no rewinding of time to get him out of the way. No going backs. A sick feeling came upon me and I felt as if I was going to vomit. I could still hear that last laugh echoing in my mind. He had been so full of life just seconds ago. Now he was a lifeless corpse on the floor covered in rubble. I looked around me and everyone was just as shocked as I was. Nothing ever could happen to Fred. He was untouchable. But he now was as lifeless as piece of parchment. The color was already draining from his face.

Time was going in slow motion. I couldn’t hear anyone talking or I couldn’t hear the sounds of screaming or explosion. All I could hear was his last laugh. That will never leave my mind. Even if I tried years from now to get rid of that pure and innocent sound, I wouldn’t be able to. I would hear something remotely like it repeatedly throughout the years, but never again that particular laugh. Never again would I have my sentences finished for me. Never again would I look to the side of me and see an exact replica of myself. That could only be done in a mirror. Never again will I have someone who I could tell anything to.  Never again would I have someone to laugh with or pull a prank with. Sure, I had friends, but nothing as good as my Fred. He was the one who completed me. We were peanut butter and jelly. Now all that’s left is the peanut butter. The sweet jelly that makes the sandwich not as dry is gone. Never to be seen again.  Never again could I joke with someone who was completely compatible with me. It’s a wonder how one second everything could be perfect. And the next, everything could be forever changed. How one second you could be looking at your twin being happy as can be, and the next he’d be lying lifeless on the floor covered in bits of Hogwarts castle.  

The second that followed that dreadful blow were the longest and most dreadful seconds of my life. He fell in slow motion. He almost looked graceful; the life draining from his face as he flew through the air. His bright red hair covered in white powder from the explosion of the side of the castle. He landed perfectly on his back. His arms were perfectly rested upon his chest. But the wall of the castle collapsed and landed on his broken body. We ran to him, checking for something we knew wasn’t there, life. I wouldn’t leave his side no matter how dangerous it was. Let me die there next to him. I felt anger; a strong surge of anger. I wanted to kill somebody to pay back for his bereavement. I had no idea who exactly slew him, but any Death Eater would do. All I had to do was walk down a corridor and I would fine one. The place was filled with them. But that would require leaving my brother’s side, so I decided against it. 

I don’t think the actual fact of his destruction had registered in my mind yet. Sure, I knew what had happened, but I don’t think it really registered that I would never again see his face. I was caught in the moment. One of my brothers tried to pull me away from him, but I fought back. I was never going to leave his side. I wanted to die. I could’ve killed myself right then and there. But for some reason, I didn’t. Maybe because I somehow knew that I still had my part to play. Fred had done his part and it was his time to leave. 

It couldn’t be that I had lost my best friend just like that. Something inside me told me that it was all a dream and I would wake up any minute to Fred hitting me in the face with a pillow. I would look at him and he would have the look of joy and happiness on his face. He would have a gigantic smile and I would hear his sweet and innocent laugh. We would go down to our shop and just have a ball selling our merchandise that we made together. 

But no, that wasn’t going to happen. Fred was gone. I could instantly feel a hole tearing in my heart. It was painful. It felt worse than being at the other end of a wand when its owner yells “Crucio.”  The hole tore slowly. It enjoyed my pain and suffering. It thrived off my screaming and agony. What had I done wrong? What did I do to deserve this feeling of emptiness? Maybe if I had done something different, I would still have my Fred. Maybe if we hadn’t pulled that one prank or made fun of that one person, Fred would still be among the living. Maybe if I had done something differently, things would be different. 

...............

Over the next few months, the emptiness was overwhelming. Sure we had won the war, but I personally had lost. My life was meaningless without Fred and I felt that I didn’t have a reason to live. I kept the shop open because that reminded me of him, but I tended to isolate myself from other people. I wouldn’t go and see my family or go see Harry. Surely, they were still mourning over their loss of a family member, but I was mourning over a loss of a part of me. It was like losing your legs, you are permanently handicapped. I was disabled without Fred. My mind wouldn’t work right and I became forgetful and absent-minded.  Eventually I went out with my daily routine, and my family and friends thought I was making it through, but inside I was hurting immensely. I made sure no one could tell though. I was discrete about it. Others were mourning the loss of other loved ones such as Remus and Tonks, and I was sad about their deaths as well, but I was consumed with the loss of my best friend. 

Christmas rolled around and Mum made her traditional sweater.  But this year, mine didn’t have a letter on it. At first that struck me as odd. Then everything came speeding into my brain again and I understood why. There was no need for letters on sweaters anymore. People didn’t need aid to decipher who I was. My heart ached still where that hole had torn. I would wake up in the middle of the night to a pain in my chest. 

This depression would never go away. Sure, I would eventually live my life, get married, have kids, and grow old. But my heart would always have a chunk missing. I could only wait for the day when my time was done and I would be reunited with my best friend.

Author's Note

I tried to touch on the stages of grief in this story, It was not meant to be lengthy or entertaining. It was meant to have people feel what it's like to lose someone you love. I have my own experience with losing a best friend and I hoped I made it so the reader could feel George's emotions.