I have

Inspired by the contest of writing 50 things I have done

 I have sang to the moon songs only He could hear,

Felt His comfort as I cried over everything I fear.

I have climbed the tallest tree and hid among the leaves,

Watching the world go by with my arms around my knees.

I have spent eight dollars on a whole tank of gas

And filled up with seventy while paying out my a*s.

I have let the house get dirty in favor of good times

Creating memories that last more than floors free of grime.

I have driven through six states to give water to the poor

And felt God’s hand on my shoulder as I longed to do more.

I have felt the hand of a lover cause damage to my soul,

The same hand that held mine as two lives became whole.

I have learned that “never” is a promise not to give

Because sometime that “never” is the only way to live.

I have saved a spider’s life when I scooped it out the door

And flushed one down the toilet just for being on my floor.

I have kissed Peter Pan and let him make me young again.

And said goodbye with a smile as my heart shattered within.

I have laughed with more joy than a hundred sunny days

‘Til tears stained my cheeks in a hundred happy ways.

I have made love under the stars, in a castle, in a bed.

I have experienced great passion painted every shade of red.

I have held a woman’s hand, felt her last breath as she died,

Washed her vacant body when her soul crossed the tide.

I have stayed up all night as words flowed from my pen,

Afraid to fall asleep and let the muse escape again.

I have flown a kite with ease, letting it carve against the sky,

Dancing with the wind in a tango way up high.

I have hoped for the future of a baby in my womb

And buried him in the ground while the angels made more room.

I have gone without eating in a fast based on prayer,

And gone without eating to shrink fat that wasn’t there.

I have driven all night while my children were asleep

To reach the city I love where the ocean makes me weep.

I have smoked a salmon, a clove, cigarettes, a reef,

Let it numb my senses with the burning of each leaf.

I have shaved my head to rebel against my dad

And felt shame and hurt when he yelled with all he had.

I have started a novel based on love’s untimely demise

And let the story die when I saw life through new eyes.

I have kissed a stranger with a lie that we’d met

All to tally up the score in a schoolgirls’ playful bet.

I have dated a boy because I only loved his name,

Denying the fact his potential was a shame.

I have planned my death in countless different ways,

Stood at the edge of the rock and walked away with more days.

I have planted a garden filled with anger, death, and tears

And walked away from a marriage of 5 tumultuous years.

I have started from scratch only to start over again,

Building my dreams that change as often as the wind.

I have written many essays about life as a mom

And shamelessly plugged winecountrymom.com.

I have given my heart without removing my clothes.

I have given my body without love’s sweet prose.

I have been afraid to look any man in the eye,

Afraid that his blame wasn’t a lie.

I have overcome my fears through years of discovery

And realized my strength after a long recovery.

 

I have sang my song to you in this poem of me

But my view and your view might be seen differently,

For you see me as words with a photo to go along

But I also have a will, and my acts are sometimes wrong.

I have lived my life under God’s watchful eye

Knowing he knows when I tell Him each lie

And sometimes I beg Him not to even look

When I want to do something against his little Book.

Still I question each day for the meaning it holds,

Looking for answers, coming up with only holes.

So I write to find peace in a chaotic world

And I fight to be seen as more than a girl.

Reviews

[Lily1111]

Like a rosebud, you have courageously peeled back the petals one by one to reveal you inner essence and shared it with us completely. I greatly admire that and I very much enjoyed this poem. Congratulations on winning the contest!

[Laura E. Aranda]

I had to come read it again. I like this so much

[Laura E. Aranda]

This is really really good

[Kim]

Absolutely wonderful. I read this poem because of interest in the contest, I don't know if anything I write could compare. There was such easy flow with your words, I felt as if I was going along in your memory with you. The imagery is fantastic. I will have to think about the contest now, lol

[wizthom]

beautiful you have brought dream,fantasies ,and reality ,
into the same room.. just tso they can entertain us,as they did for u..peace wizthom

[Antonio Valentino]

Wow Autumn, there's enough there already, to last a lifetime.
I'm so sorry to hear about some of the real sad parts that you've
went through. I only hope that before all is said and done, you
Accomplish 50 more things that really complete, your life.

You sang to the moon huh?
Yeah I could see that (lol).

Loved This!
Antonio

[[untitled]]

You call it rough, I call it naturally beautiful. I am not one to rate but, this is a wonderful write. Thank you for shaing.