Childhood Memories

A piece of my childhood

I used to cry myself to sleep

I used to cry to a higher power

I was just a little kid still

But this was my darkest hour

 

I remember getting punched in the face

Blood dripped off my lips

I stood there in shock,

Silence, blood still dripped off my lips

 

I just couldn’t take it any more

Constantly getting beat

I was just a little kid

Getting hit, knocked off my feet

 

I had it pretty rough

Blood, sweat and tears

My childhood was a disaster

It would haunt me for years

 

I remember begging for another life

To someday escape the pain

I would never be like my father

Somehow have to rewire my brain

 

Yet as I sit here and write

I feel as if I’m still there

Locked in that room

Still living in fear

 

I remind myself that I have moved on

And now life is as normal as can be

A higher power answered my prayers

My father can no longer defeat me

 

 

Author's Note

It was a little rough writing about the past but I thought I would give a little insight to why my writings come out so dark at times. Hope you enjoy... please review and rate.... thanks!

Reviews

[Aly]

This was amazing, I can relate to you in every single way. Being abused is always a rough thing to deal with. Especially when you cry yourself to sleep at night. I am still going through some of this and I can take this write to heart. I don't have much written on my wall yet but most of them have to do with the struggle of child abuse. Child abuse can effect so many people, it can hurt in so many ways. Yes, ptsd is definitely a part of it all but all you can do is push through it all. S**t sucks and it's sad that people can stand to do these things, hitting a little kid is so cowardly... I am so sorry you had had to go through some of the same struggles I've faced. I hope that you have moved on with your life, for that is hard to do. I give you props. :) ♡♡

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you Aly... I actually wrote it hoping that it reached people that needed to see that there are others that have lived through it and survived. I went through it til I was 15.... summer before my junior year of high school I finally had enough and left. We can always create change and life can get better.... luckily it was a little easier for me since I had family to help me :) Thanks for your comments :)

[MissLaine]

WAH... this makes me want to cry. Very abusive... indeed..
Its sad when parents hit their children to the point that the child fears him/her or them. It's one of the things I hate when it comes to kids and parenting.. is the lack of care and love for their own kid.
I can relate to this in a way as I been through abuse but.. not as extreme as you i don't think..
I mean I wasn't punched XD but still... traumatized by what i've seen and been through nevertheless...
I really do feel for you. -hug-

This poem has so much emotion. Its really good. And I'm sorry you had to go through that...
As a young child, it makes you think why does life suck so much, and others don't have it as bad as I do...
SIGH. I know how painful and sickening it feels to have to through such a thing...
And I wish new parents could be trained! There's some that just don't take responsibility...

Anyways, well done on writing this piece!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you MissLaine :) This is an older piece of mine but still the same full of emotion write that I like to write :)

[MissLaine]

mmhm i understand. But its still a powerful poem. :) Thanks for sharing!

[Willard Wells]

"Silence, blood still dripped of my lips" to "Silence, blood still dripped off my lips".

As for the piece it is very well done and the pain it there and I am sorry and yet glad you have been able to step outside that painful world. Sounds like you have a good grandfather to fill in for that male role model.

Thank you for sharing your pain and life.

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks for catching that... it's been up for almost a year and didn't catch that lol. This was one of my earlier writings when I started back up end of last year. It was tough to reflect on it but good to get it out. Appreciate your feedback and correction :)

[Willard Wells]

Before I read it I saw it was an older piece. When I read and find some typos after this much time I question how many just did not see it, which is common and how many did not feel they should comment. I am not good at grammar and critiques, but am pretty good at finding the little stuff.

[AaronFreitas]

Yeah it's just an oversight but most people don't like saying anything. If it's something small I'll usually point it out too

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Well, abusive father...mine too.
Alcoholic, talking trash... Not to mention, physical abuse.
Yup, that about right.
I stopped praying in those times, didn't help. Stopped hoping, because it proved to be pointless.
Instead, I just gave in. Yes, I just stopped caring. Yes, I'm the cause of everything evil to them, yes I'm the unwanted, hated, dead weight, pulling them down.
I was, and still am considered as a chore, a dirty job, that no one else will take care of. I received the "I'll send you to a fosters home... bla bla ..."
And I went upstairs, to pack up my stuff. Couldn't wait to leave. Of course, that was only to try scaring me.
The abuse continued, becoming worse...
I ran away from home, a few times. But eventually, I had to go back home.
"Your parents must be worried sick about you."
If only they were worried about me, and not the police noticing that I'm missing.
Heh... Lot of s**t can happen, from time to time.
I locked myself away from them, and practically everyone else.
For days, I didn't communicate with living things, at all. Maybe once, when I caught some germs, and cursed at them.
I skipped school, and decided, it was better if I'll live in the comfortable cage, known as my "room".
Nothing interested me, for a long, long time, other than finding an easy way to death. Easy, painless, quiet.
Well, that failed... obviously.

I'm still alive, thanks to, Well I don't really know what.
Anyway, well written piece.
Full rating.

[AaronFreitas]

I can totally relate. I haven't written too much about my childhood but this one of the few times I've thought back and really dug into those feelings. We make it through and we can still follow our dreams. Regardless of physical and mental abuse we still control our own destiny and once we get out of that environment we are able to create opportunities that we want. I thought you might like this one... it's almost a year old but one that sits close to my heart :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

i do like it :)
i shared a song on your profile, one that gave me new strength every day. :)

[AaronFreitas]

I just watched the video... kick a*s band! Like Pantera!

[Dani The Unreviewed]

yuppie :D they're around since 1984, first ever heavy metal band in Hungary. (And, I've been at that concert :D cheers!!!)

[AaronFreitas]

That's awesome!

[Dani The Unreviewed]

yea :D some of their songs even have an English version :)
and I've translated the lyrics of this one. :)

[Leena Madhuri]

just LOVE IT!!!!!!! how you put your emotions in the words takes my breath away!!!

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much Leena! This was a tough one when I wrote it because it was so real writing about the past. Thanks for your kind words and I appreciate you very much on here :)

[Leena Madhuri]

yes, i can see... :) i am hoping you are having good days now! your welcome! you got great writing skills! God bless!

[buterfligirl]

Very heartfelt. I never had it as bad as this, so I can't relate too much, but the emotion of the poem is still catching. There is one thing I could suggest to improve on, if you don't mind. In the second stanza, the second and fourth lines are a little too similar, and I think it would be a little more interesting if you changed up a little. You don't have to do anything of course, it would still be fine as it is if that's what you want.

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you very much... I did that purposely to kind of create the image of me just being stuck in a deep stare with blood still dripping... I will look at it I'm sure I can get more creative with it. At this point when I was writing I still wasn't reviewing my work much just writing and posting... I put more effort and thought now trying to grow :) thank you

[buterfligirl]

You're welcome. You don't have to anything really special for that section, it just seemed a little repetitive. As a writer I'm always seeking to help my fellow writers, so I'm glad it was worth your thanks.

[AaronFreitas]

I hear ya... when I first read it I was like what the hell was I thinking when I wrote that haha... it's been a while

[Christopher Casper]

I can relate to you once again my friend. I was never bullied, but my childhood was filled with traumatic experiences. No matter how old one gets, trauma stays with the individual. So many times I have come to realize that the selfish adults of my life when I was a child still are as I am now a grown man. I've mentioned things in recent time of how they did me wrong and how it affects me and the answer is always the same. "Well, it's in the past and I can't do anything about it now." That maybe true, but you could at least give me a genuine apology. Needless to say it's clear they feel as though they did nothing wrong.

[AaronFreitas]

It was all my step dad... never bullied outside of that... it sucked but we live life now as if it never happened... year really wierd... wonder why i have issues haha

[Raja Anjana Kothapalli]

Bullying persists to be an ever present evil, even after taking many measures to prevent it. A very heart-touching and beautiful poem, AaronFreitas. Loved it a lot. Thanks for sharing. ☺
-Anjana

[AaronFreitas]

Thank you for the review :) I am glad to see you on here new friend :)

[Raja Anjana Kothapalli]

Same here!☺

[ANTO]

It can be very traumatic to feel constant fear in the place where you grow up - where there is supposed to be love and nurture and instead there is only anger and violence. This will always be with the child (even as an adult) and can even stop them growing emotionally into adults of any sort that other adults recognize as their peers. and so the targeting and singling out continues pretty much for th whole of their lives. If an adult who resorts to violence or other forms of abuse could be shown the whole reel of the life of a child they hurt in an instant before they did their deeds, they probably wouldnt lift a hand to the child but they dont know and so daily hurt accumulated is stored like a battery in the psyche of the child and slowly released over the lifetime of said 'battery'.
It was brave of you to put this out there Aaron and you have my respect for doing that.

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks for the review ANTO. It was a touchy subject to talk about but I am kind of digging up the ghosts of the past and writing to see if it helps. Some of it I post some of it I just blabber to get it out. Thanks for your kind words it really means a lot!

[Lizardo]

''Yet as I sit here and write
I feel as if I’m still there
Locked in that room
Still living in fear''
We all feel like that, sitting in an empty room and nowhere to go... awful feeling
I enojoyed the poem, it has a lot of emotion and hardwork on it
An awesome piece of poetry

[AaronFreitas]

Thanks for the review Lizardo! It's crazy how sometimes relaxing your mind and writing can flare up old emotions and feelings. Thanks for your kind words :)

[Lizardo]

That is very true, You are welcome :)