Lost

Lost

A Poem by Tenten

 

 
the lost piece is now a shadow
but I remember subtle movements
flowing to blunt truths
words rising with the aria
breathing a tale of timid voices,
the eyes I avoid are too kind
to speak
the lost piece fades with each blink
becoming only a desperately longed
longing desperately reminiscence
 

© 2008 Tenten



Author's Note

Tenten
Cp. 2:47PM Tue 08128 NM Jane Austen Book Club i lost a piece last night, morning still, trying to be alright, doing worse, i'll attempt to recreate it but it won't be the same, sniffle ahh (Typed, Brads Comp-House)

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Reviews

it's so beautifully written... great work...... really enjoyed this one...

Posted 8 Years Ago


i find your writing so well thought and deep.i could not possibly have written this.good work

Posted 8 Years Ago


Wonderful... very nice

Posted 8 Years Ago


yay...don't know what else to say lol. good job. yeah, i'm a terrible reviewer i know.....

Posted 8 Years Ago


LOVE this!!!!!!!!! You truly did a wonderful job mourning your piece here. I HATE losing pieces... I do it often.. just as quickly as they create themselves in my head. You know what else I hate? Losing reviews. Did you ever do that? Gah I hate it.
THIS is a jewel if I ever saw one. What a lovely poem to rise from the ashes. Good luck on the re-creation!!
I'm faving this!!!!! (might save me a few hairs next time I lose something!!) Consider this piece a public service in that regard!! Love ya~~

Posted 8 Years Ago


I love this! It flows perfectly. Beautiful write!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Whoa someone has never actually followed my advice to the letter before. I think it sounds a lot better, though if you're going to say 'relished,' I don't think you should say 'desperately longed (for)' too.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Nice!

I don't really like the last time (you could do better), but the rest of it has some really great metaphors.

Something I'd suggest is "the eyes that I avoid" instead of "avoided eyes" and "too kind" instead of "to kind" (doubtless a typo), as it flows a bit better in my opinion.

Thanks for writing.

J.

Posted 9 Years Ago



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8 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on December 8, 2008
Last Updated on December 13, 2008

Author

Tenten
Tenten

Alamosa, CO



About
I know me well enough to know that I don't who I truly am and that I deceive myself into believing i have found my way in life. i well away of the fact that i am a contradiction of actions and words a.. more..

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