One More Chance

I wrote this on a cold, snowy night while struggling with homework and smoking a cigar. I felt sick.

The restless nights become intolerable.
The cigar smoke becomes sickening.

My mind deteriorates as my body crumbles.
Life is moving slower that city traffic and nothing makes sense anymore.

The pounding in my head mutes the world and bursts through my ear drums.
I'm barely alive.

Squirming like a maggot, I gasp for air.
The room filled with cigar smoke, I suffocate with each gasp and slowly die.

This wasn't suppose to be my purpose.
This wasn't suppose to be my life!

Where's my music?
Where's my motivation?

The ground collapses and I fall into a black hole of unfinished homework and failed exams.
I'm trapped.

So far in, I'll never escape this destruction.
What the f**k have I done?

So hopeless and so isolated.
I have nothing left.

I puff my final puff.
The head rush overwhelms me as if I just smoked a hundred in ten seconds.

So relaxed and so careless.
I give up.

Soon my world siezes its rotation.
I'm passed out on the floor with not a thought in my head.

Maybe this rest will cure.
Maybe I'll finally be free.

My passion keeps me alive just one more time.
I awaken in pain as vomit flushes out my mouth.

Another night escaping death.
Another chance to turn around.

Another goddam, undeserving chance!

Do not let your hearts warm.
Do not gain hope.

For I know this sceane too well.
I'm shameful and worthless.

Cool your minds
and set your bias.

I'll see you here again.
I'll see you next week.