Show Me

A requested write.

Show Me

Strung along a piece of braided rope

I’m simply one of a million beads

Shining under some male lights

But what light shall be mine?

 

A sea of curvy bodies

All so divine and beautiful

I’m here with my hands clasped in knots

When will I see her?

 

My eyelids are shielded by skin lids

My brain wrapped in his glory

Tonight I pray,

Show me this man, my man.

 

I’m on my knees

See me?

I’m crying out to you

Show me the girl, the girl you’ve chosen.

 

*fingers snap*

*lit paths*

 

 

Author's Note

I was requested to write this by a writer on the cafe, J Michael Simmonds. It's about a man and woman trusting in God to find their husband or wife!
Please review!

Reviews

[TheFemininePad]

I'm alittle confused on some of the wording that you are using in your poem. What does "Shining under some male lights" mean? You might want to clear up that part of the poem. Also a correction to the word "devine" could be changed out with "divine" Those are my only two suggestions. Your meaning in your poem is also kind of lost to me about what you are trying to convey. Maybe it's just me though.

[Ice QueenJen]

i think its a great writing, and at first I was kind of thrown by the line "Shining under some male lights"-but then I thought about all the men who try and shine their light for attention, which I think is what you meant by that line. We are all hoping to find the right person to be our forever mate, and I think this poem conveys the sentiments nicely. And i see you corrected that one mistake so i will give you the full amount of rating points!

[Ashley]

Such good and beautiful poem!

[Praiser]

What are trying to show me I only can see free line are metaphor , it will mak you think but very nice

[Zane]

I agree with Pad. Its well written, but some of the imagery is confusing.

[State of Grace]

Great poem! Very thoughtful and descriptive. I like it a lot.

[Frifthor (D^2)]

Your use of a rope to signify the intricatness of the dance is a wonderful metaphor. You use the expression of lights well, and your alternation of viewpoints is well done, not excessive or overly glaring. Your ending with the phrase "blinded by his light" is excellent since you referenced the "male lights" earlier in the story. A good piece.

[Kelley Quinn]

I like it! You don't exactly know the message but then it slowly comes out. Good job, truly! keep writing.

[No_One_Special]

I can definitely appreciate this piece on a personal level, I like how the voice shifts back and forth and the care you took to help the audience see that. Some of the imagery is a bit abstract, but I can also see the beauty in it so I approve. The last two lines also come off as an epiphany- that the boy and girl have finally found each other all of a sudden, when they least expected it, which is so true of how life can be.

[Midday_Mystery]

This is a lovely write and it posseces a very interesting imagry, almost hebraic in form..... Excellent Write

[Heather D]

i love this. i dont know what else to say, this really speaks to me. such a beautiful poem. i love it.