Beneath the Umbrella

A poem between the sky and a girl!

Beneath the Umbrella

Rain pounds the streets

Blue marker, streaking the black clouds

Puddles pooling upon the pavement

 

Beneath the umbrella

My sobs, colour my face in salty lines

My heart hacked by chainsaws

 

This girl

Her eyes leak stories

I’m going to shine my light

 

Beneath my umbrella

I’m blinded by this light

I reach for it, claiming it mine

Reviews

[littlelilypurplebride]

still feel this needs more but i love these first lines and your last lines.
beneath the umbrella
Rain pounds the streets
Blue marker, streaking
the black clouds Puddles
pooling upon the pavement

Beneath my umbrella
I'm blinded by this light
I reach for it, claiming it mine

now this line confuses me My heart hacked by chainsaws every thing else makes sense but it could just be me on that line. god bless lily

[Shardbearer99]

I love the imagery that you've manage to concoct within the first couple of paragraphs. "Rain pounds the streets Blue marker, streaking the black clouds
Puddles pooling upon the pavement" You have a very good way with words that really connect with your readers. This is very sad, but strong and intimate as you've managed to write something pure from your heart. A talent definitely worth watching out for in the future.

[Warren L.G De Mills]

This is a great poem, i really enjoyed reading this one. had a nice abstract feel to it that i enjoy so much, good job!

[Midday_Mystery]

I Love this poem its remarkable, esspecially the relationship between girl and sky. Showing them kindred spirits hurting to release (rain, crying) and also points to a promise of rejeuvanations.... Terriffic modern day parable!

[sentimental~ galore]

you made rain beautiful, and i love when people can do that. poetic but also real in a vivid way...good work! i wish it was longer, atleast the ending...i was left wanting more...like it wasn't finished.

[Heather D]

i like how you right...you dont take generic ideas. you take a simple moment in time and turn it into a beautiful poem. im a fan for sure! :)

[Sunflower 20]

i think you could add a little more to it. i don't know, the ending just seemed a little abrumpted to me. but thats just my opinon. this poem reminders me of that saying : "every cloud has a silver lining"
it portrays despair, and in the midst of it all, we find hope.

[SpokenWord]

I like to think that for every situation there is a light to lead us down dark paths in life. Heart breaks often produce the best heart felt poetry and ones filled with strong emotions spewed out across a page. Was the umbrella representing a spiritual protection from the down pour of bad feelings? This is a good read and a wonder write.

[Calypso]

This was so dark, but magical. I love the rain

[Michael Mwachofi]

moments such as these are the hardest. but you somehow managed to rescue the person in need just in time and wholly uplift the direction of the poem. i read alot of poetry with the same negative direction and the way you gave it a tinge of hope at the end really refreshed me!