An Unusual Bar - Chapter 1

An Unusual Bar - Chapter 1

A Story by Agyani
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A person walks into a bar and makes an unusual request, setting the gauntlet for a tale that is way more serious than the conversations suggest

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‘I want a Prairie Oyster!’ announced Vinay in a loud but not intimidating voice as soon as flinging the door open. It was like dragging a table on the floor; noticeable, but not demanding unflinching attention. Shiv wasn’t surprised by it and left his seat immediately to fulfil his demand. But Raju, one of the two other occupants of the bar, was suddenly confused.

‘Wait, what? A Prey Rehoister? Are you drunk or something?’ he asked as Vinay made his way towards the bar counter.

Budh was sitting on the corner table. He had liked the establishment the moment he’d seen it. A small wooden cabin set in the clearing around a bend in the road. The wooden exterior and the dark glass door had appealed to him. The fact that there were no vehicles in sight and no sound from within had attracted Budh even more.

He was amused by Raju’s expression and his remark. It was clear to him that he’d never heard of Prairie Oyster, but his guess was right on the money. He’d been watching Raju stealthily for a while, and his expression of befuddlement and annoyance had intrigued him. The bar wasn’t large or occupied enough to muffle Raju’s conversation with Shiv. They were having a plain conversation, but Raju’s countenance suggested otherwise. The writer’s eyes that Budh possessed were interested, given the mismatch between face and words. The sudden request from the newcomer bridged that gap.

‘A Prairie Oyster, you twit,’ corrected Vinay. ‘How do you know it’s a hangover remedy and not know its pronunciation?’

‘It’s a hangover remedy? But why do you need a hangover remedy? You never drink. And hey, how come you know about this and never suggested it to me?’ said Raju, turning to Shiv who had three eggs in his hand.

‘You have your own hangover remedy,’ said Shiv.

‘Drinking more?’ asked Vinay as he occupied a bar stool.

‘Drinking more,’ affirmed Shiv with a brief nod. Raju’s face bore a frown before regaining its confused and annoyed state. Budh realized it was his normal facial expression. It piqued his interest further.

‘You can come and sit here, too. You won’t have to try so hard to watch then. Besides, my area isn’t well lit,’ said Shiv looking at Budh before cracking the eggs open and dropping the yolk perfectly in the glass.

Budh was startled by Shiv’s sudden attention, but the others didn’t make it worse by turning towards him. He picked his glass and walked cautiously towards them, banging into a chair nonetheless. Raju joined Vinay on the counter, and Budh gave him a nervous smile before taking the stool next to Vinay.

He watched carefully as Shiv prepared the concoction with a veteran’s ease. He recalled his friends telling him he would see some interesting things and meet interesting people in the hills of Himachal. But it really surprised him that people there would know of Prairie Oyster. Shiv and Raju looked like locals, which made things all the more bizarre.

‘How come you know about it then?’ Raju asked Vinay.

‘I don’t know, I just do,’ said Vinay, putting his face in his hands.

‘But why do you need it? You’re not drunk, are you?’ asked Raju with a hint of concern.

‘No. I just want to feel miserable.’

Raju’s facial expression intensified while Budh replicated it to a small degree. Shiv merely raised an eyebrow and continued preparing the drink. Vinay looked up at him and smiled softly before turning to Raju. He liked Shiv because he seldom asked questions, no matter how strange a conversationalist he encountered.

‘I feel miserable…in here,’ said Vinay, tapping his chest with his fist. ‘I want my body to feel miserable as well.’ Shiv nodded while Raju and Budh waited for further explanation. ‘It’ll make my soul less miserable.’

‘But why do you feel so miserable?’ pressed Raju.

‘I don’t know. I just do, sometimes. Every few weeks or so, I get these days when I’m frustrated and miserable beyond measure for no reason.’

‘But what frustrates you?’

‘People asking questions and bothering me all the time!’ blurted Vinay in an irritated manner. Raju backed off and pursed his lips. He joined Shiv and Budh in watching Vinay gulp the drink in one swoop. Vinay placed the glass down hard and shook his head a couple of times, his face making countless convolutions in the meantime.

‘Ugh, that’s even worse than I thought it’d be! That’s another reason to not drink for me. Now then, who do we have here, what’s your name, lad?’ he said turning towards Budh.  

‘Buddhaditya…Budh, I mean,’ said Budh, closing his eyes and grimacing.

‘Why, that’s a good name! Not one you hear often, but good nevertheless. You don’t need to be ashamed. It makes me feel a little insignificant, though. Suddenly I find myself among heavenly beings. There’s Shiv, and now there’s Buddha!’ said Vinay, gesturing at Budh, who gave a tired and disinterested smile in response. He was used to this reaction whenever he gave his name.

‘It’s not that I’m ashamed of my name. It’s just that…’ Budh shut his eyes again.

‘What do you do?’ asked Raju. Budh grimaced again. He let a few seconds pass before sighing and opening his eyes.  

‘I’m a writer,’ he said. Raju and Vinay raised their eyebrows and uttered a stressed and elongated ‘Oh!’ each before exchanging glances.

‘Aha! A writer named Buddha in the hills! That’s a story for you, isn’t it? It’ll practically write itself!’ said Vinay.

‘Just Budh, not Buddha, please,’ he replied. It was the combination of his profession and his name that made him want to keep one of the two a secret whenever he talked to someone. People always jump to conclusions, and this combination worked against him in casting an incorrect impression. He loved being a writer and liked his name, but he’d rather have those things mutually exclusive. He’d ignored all the common cafes and bars for this very reason because he knew he would get chatting and there would be no escaping from this. Vinay’s last sentence was a typical cliché, and Budh hated clichés. He turned away and eyed his glass of rum with newfound interest.

Budh drained the remaining drink in one go and asked for a refill. Shiv was still chuckling at his discomfort. He had a tall, lanky frame with inebriated eyes and hung cheeks. His Himachali cap revealed a few strands of grey hair which were a shade darker than his patchy beard. His smile would have looked malicious on another face, but it only looked mischievous on him. It hinted at a childhood full of energy and adventure and a youth full of action and vigour. In the placid adult face, Budh saw a man who had conquered everything and had now turned off the ignition to glide peacefully for the remaining years.

 ‘What brings you here, Budh?’ asked Shiv, pouring him another drink.

‘I’m not here for a story or some inspiration, if that’s what you think,’ he said, grabbing his glass. Shiv chuckled again.

‘No, I mean what brings you to my bar. There aren’t many people who pass by this area. You’re clearly not a heavy drinker. You’re not an explorer, because you think people deliberately look for offbeat places to feel good about themselves for doing something different. You hate that pretentious attitude of not wanting to belong to the mainstream but wanting to belong somewhere nevertheless,  just the way you hate people who act weird just to be seen as weird and treated differently and to stand out from the usual crowd.’

Budh couldn’t help but smile at Shiv. He tried to hide it by bringing his glass to his lips, but his smile was too wide for the rim. ‘That obvious, eh?’

‘Nah, he’s just too wise,’ said Raju.

‘Yes. Besides, he’s the epitome of clichés, having Shiv as a name here in the hills,’ said Vinay, smiling at Budh. Like all troubled souls, his smile had a beauty that Budh appreciated. He instantly forgave him for his statement earlier.

‘I thought people in the hills gave their children such names quite commonly,’ said Budh.

‘True, but he isn’t from around here.’

‘It’s a miracle that he has a place like this here,’ said Raju.

‘I thought there were many bars and cafes operated by outsiders here in the hills,’ said Budh, drinking another mouthful of rum.

‘Yes, but they are usually set up in an area where there are others like them. These places are almost never owned and operated by an outsider; strict land ownership laws and what not. For an outsider to have a bar somewhere visitors don’t usually frequent but close to the local residences is rare; rare to the point of being a first,’ said Vinay.

‘A miracle, I tell you,’ repeated Raju. Vinay threw a brief glance at him before turning back to Budh.

‘Yes, it’s a miracle alright. The Shiv of religious stories had his powers, and our Shiv has his. That Shiv could move mountains and perform divine miracles, while our Shiv can move people and perform minor miracles, like setting up such a quaint little place deep in the hills. To Lord Shiv!’

‘To Lord Shiv!’ roared Raju.

‘To Lord Shiv!’ cried Budh, joining in. He took another sip from his drink and smiled. Shiv was looking out the window and nonchalantly gave them a lazy salute to acknowledge their merry mood.

‘So then, Budh, what brings you here?’ asked Shiv again.

Budh realized he hadn’t answered the question earlier. ‘Oh, I, uh...I don’t know. I was just taking my bike out for a spin and ended up here. I thought I’d get a nice sun-drenched view of the valley sitting in the bar.’ He realized he hadn’t seen a board or a hoarding with the name of the bar.

‘Is that it?’ asked Vinay.

Budh turned to him and smiled nervously. ‘Yes. I mean, isn’t that why anyone comes here? Isn’t that why you guys are here?’

‘I’m from around here,’ said Raju.

‘I’m here because of him,’ said Vinay, pointing at Shiv. Budh started to say something but decided against it. Raju’s reason for being there made complete sense, and having met Shiv, Vinay’s reason made some sense to him as well. Budh turned to Shiv but he didn’t have to ask him the question, for Shiv had read it in his eyes.

‘I like these hills. I came here to relax years ago and just didn’t want to do anything else again. I’ve been relaxing ever since.’

‘So what did you do before coming here?’ asked Budh.

‘A lot,’ answered Shiv.

‘Enough to drive you out here in the first place?’

‘Enough to be beyond your comprehension,’ replied Shiv, turning towards him and smiling. There was no ill intent behind his remark, and Budh decided against pursuing it any further. As a person with a reasoning mind he always wanted to know if his deductions were correct, and as a philosopher, he always wanted to see how wise he really was. But he also knew when to hold his silence. Besides, he didn’t want to sully his new and budding acquaintance with Shiv.

The bartender held his gaze. Budh wasn’t sure if he was looking for something in his eyes, or if he was waiting to see how Budh would further the conversation. His face had straightened and gone sombre for an instant as he stood there eyeing him. Budh felt a nervous chill run down his spine as the bartender watched him intently. Budh always found it difficult to look at someone unfamiliar in such fashion, but he thought that Shiv could manage it since he felt like a cut above him and the rest of them, as if he belonged to a different mould.

However, the impish smile returned the moment Budh noticed its absence. It was almost like an invitation to a duel, but he didn’t want to take Shiv up on it. It had been a while since he had last enjoyed a drink with newfound company, and he wanted to keep it going as long as possible without overthinking. 

© 2018 Agyani


Author's Note

Agyani
Give me the bad, give me the good, and let me know if it makes you want to know how the conversations divulge more about the characters in next chapters

My Review

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Featured Review

The dialogue at the beginning is a little distracting, it takes a couple paragraphs in for a reader to work out who is talking to who, but that can be fixed with a few small tweaks. I do like how you jumped right in with the dialogue though, it moves the story along nicely and you really feel like all these characters, except Budh, have known each other for some time without saying it outright. It can be a little wordy in places and throws of the natural flow of your sentences. There are some "had"s and "that"s that could be taken out. In this sentence: "The bar wasn’t large or occupied enough to muffle Raju’s conversation with Shiv sufficiently.", the word "sufficiently" doesn't need to be there.
On the whole I loved it, you have a great knack for story structure and for creating characters that feel real and dialogue that flows naturally and seems true to your characters. I can't wait to read the next chapter!


Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Agyani

5 Years Ago

Hi
Thank you for the review.
I get verbose at times, I agree. It's been something I h.. read more



Reviews

I told you I'd get around to this story eventually! As others have mentioned, the dialogue in the beginning is a bit difficult to muddle through. What's happening and who is who isn't very clear, and it feels messy. It does get better, as things are less jumbled and we can relax into your writing voice, though I do feel you get a bit, as you put in in other review comments, a bit verbose in explaining the character's thoughts. Still, this story does what it needs to do and it gets to the point eventually. The story is fun to read, and it's a nice change of pace to have a non-action story. We just get to relax and watch some bar-time merriment.

Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Agyani

5 Years Ago

I never doubted you when you said you'd read my work soon! Good to have you back, Clifford.
.. read more
For starters, your writing construction & your storytelling are top-notch. This story is quite a bit "in the head" (or cerebral), as compared to a physical story with action, which can often be more dynamic. It's unusual for a cerebral story to be compelling as this, without some form of action in your storyline. Just sitting around in a bar, talking, basically. Your dialogue is well done, it's unusual/delightful, and it reveals a fair amount about your culture that's very interesting to me. The first few paragraphs, the dialogue felt a little slow, but I attribute it to the rambling, idle talk one hears in a bar . . . it was realistic in that way, even if a little sluggish as far as carrying the reader into your story at the start. The dialogue continues to be slow & rambling, but it just gets more interesting after the first few paragraphs. When the guy swigs the drink with a grimace, that's where your story feels a little more compelling & dynamic, to the end. The paragraph that starts with this: "No, I mean what brings you to my bar. There aren’t many people who pass by this area. You’re clearly not a heavy drinker. You’re not an explorer . . ." -- goes on & on, but in a delightful way, so funny, it's well-crafted lively realistic bar banter. I guess the Prairie Oyster is the drink with the eggyolk? Here in the USA, it's the testicles cut from a bull calf to make it into a steer. They throw these (prairie oysters) on the fire used to heat up the branding irons at cattle roundups & dare the ladies to eat them (I never would). All in all, interesting story & I'm eager to continue (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 5 Years Ago


Agyani

5 Years Ago

I understand what you're saying about the dialogue here, even though you really sugar coated it. :D.. read more
The dialogue at the beginning is a little distracting, it takes a couple paragraphs in for a reader to work out who is talking to who, but that can be fixed with a few small tweaks. I do like how you jumped right in with the dialogue though, it moves the story along nicely and you really feel like all these characters, except Budh, have known each other for some time without saying it outright. It can be a little wordy in places and throws of the natural flow of your sentences. There are some "had"s and "that"s that could be taken out. In this sentence: "The bar wasn’t large or occupied enough to muffle Raju’s conversation with Shiv sufficiently.", the word "sufficiently" doesn't need to be there.
On the whole I loved it, you have a great knack for story structure and for creating characters that feel real and dialogue that flows naturally and seems true to your characters. I can't wait to read the next chapter!


Posted 5 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Agyani

5 Years Ago

Hi
Thank you for the review.
I get verbose at times, I agree. It's been something I h.. read more
• ‘I want a Prairie Oyster!’

Beginning with dialog is a bit iffy, because the reader has no idea of who’s speaking, or why, so they can’t tell how to read it. And given that many readers have no idea of what it is, and, that the term prairie oyster also means a bull’s testical on a platter to many, and a band to others, you begin line-one with a problem.

• Vinay’s voice was loud but not intimidating or startling.

Too generic to be meaningful. When you read this, you know who Vinay is, where he is, and what motivated him to speak. And that’s context that’s necessary if the reader is to get the meaning you intend. Without that, the reader has no reason to care how he said it. Think about how different a feeling the first line would have had they been preceeded with: Settling into his seat at the bar, Vinay pointed a finger at Shiv as he called, ‘I want a Prairie Oyster.’ we would know who’s calling, what he wants, that he’s at a bar, and what the bartender’s name is. The exclamation mark becomes unnecessary, and line two can be dropped.

• But Raju, one of the two other occupants of the bar, was suddenly confused about everything.

Here, I’m afraid, is where you run off the tracks. Instead of making the reader live the story you’re EXPLAINING it to them. But can we tell a story that way on the page? No. Have your computer read the opening aloud and you’ll hear the problem.

Only you know how you intend the story to be read. Only you can hear the emotion in the “voice” of the narrator as you read. Only you can know the facial expressions, the tone, cadence, and more in the narrator’s performance.

Of critical importance, you’re explainig the events to a reader who comes to you for a single purpose: to be entertained by being made to have an emotional, not an informational experience.

They don’t want to know how the protagonist feels. They want to be made to FEEL that emotion. And that’s impossible to do if we use the writing skills we learn in our school days because they were given us to make us useful to our future employer, not provide the tools of the professional fiction-writer. Think of how many reports and essays you wrote, as against stories. Think of how many of your teachers had sole their own writing.

It’s a problem you share with most hopeful writers, because no one tells us that the writing style we learn is fact-based and author-centric—designed to inform, while fiction is emotion-based, character-centric, and meant to entertain.

Not wjhat you were hopeing to hear, I know. But the good news is that the problem is simple to fix: add the skills of fiction to those we already know. It’s not easy, though, because you’re learning an entirely different approach, and to become as proficient with that as with your current skill takes time, study, and lots of practice (the average writer creates, edits, polished, and puts aside a half million words before selling one word). But it is possible, and time spent picking up the skills of the fiction writer is well worth the effort.

The library’s fiction-writing section is a great place to begin. And while you’re there, look for the names Dwight Swain, Jack Bickham, or Debra Dixon on the cover. They’re pure gold.

You might want to dig around in the writing articles in my writing blog for a kind of introduction to the issues involved. But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

Posted 5 Years Ago


Agyani

5 Years Ago

Hi
Thanks for the review.
I understand what you are saying about context, but don't y.. read more
JayG

5 Years Ago

• … but don't you think it's weird giving the entire scene or context to the reader before you s.. read more

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Added on July 30, 2018
Last Updated on August 10, 2018
Tags: hills, humor, conversation, bar, friends, life

Author

Agyani
Agyani

India



About
A novelist by heart, but a freelance ghostwriter by necessity. It's only pen and paper (or my keyboard) that help me 'show' who I am and not just 'be' who I am. I am a storyteller and try to m.. more..

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A Story by Agyani