Temptation and A Diptych

Wrote this outside in the rain.

Soft curl of
cigarette's smoke
like a thigh sliding along a thigh

And I know tonight
that I am home

Reviews

[Champagne]

Beautiful imagery in s1. The 2nd stanza seemed somewhat abrupt. I am not sure what you're trying to say here, but overall it sounds quite nice.

[C.]

Hm. Yeah I'm not too pleased with the way the second stanza came out... I feel like it trips over the inertia of the first one. I gotta work on a revised second stanza that will communicate the ideas of the original while still following up with the way the first stanza flows.

[Brett Campaigne]

The first line is golden, the combination of the two is undeniably powerful. I feel, however that I don't grasp strongly the leap to the second and last stanza, though I understand that the presence of the curling smoke connected you to the profound manifesting in the domestic.