Three white roses

First version of this lil short poem thingy

Three white roses in old, withering hands.
Three white roses with fathers tears fed.
Three white roses on a white marble bed.
Three white roses shrivel at the sight.
Of three white daughters gone in one night.

Author's Note

Critiques are welcome

Reviews

[GalaxyGhost]

Oh man, this is so sad and in just a few lines you captured that feeling of emptiness.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Heh thanks glad you liked it.

[BeautyfromPain]

Wow, you sure sure convey an entire story in so few words... It's wonderful. :)

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Thanks, was aiming for that.

[Bare trees]

The last line holds a lot of weight. This is a sad one and well done.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Thank you heh.

[justdandy]

So short, yet so detailed. The sadness is really noticeable in 5 lines. Thank you for writing this.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

And thank you for reading it.

[Scrap]

The bond between a father and his lil girl(s). All captured in this lil poem.

Roses...3...white= innocence and beauty

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Thank you and yeah i went with white roses precisely cause of the symbolism.

[Mary Helda]

Now this is a beautiful sad poem....nice rhyme scheme and the repetition makes it simple yet classy in some sort of way....

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Heh wrote it in an hour 'cause I saw some short poem contest.

[Mary Helda]

in an hour's time you created a lovely piece

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Yeeey heh.

[V]

Good one. Nice rhyme scheme, words that match the scenery. Enjoyable read. I think there is not much to change.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Thanks tho I thought about making a longer version too for no real reason but boredom.

[V]

Why not, if you feel this way. Though keeping it short is often the best.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

True I'll write a few drafts and see whether to make a longer version of this or something completely different.

[V]

Good luck :)

[TheMalady]

I think this is a sad but nice poem. It's short, yet speaks a tragic story. I like this. Very clever. Thanks a lot for sharing and keep on writing! :)

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Yeah mostly made it for this contest heh.

[TheMalady]

Aw, now I see why! :)

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Yeah I might make a longer version.

[TheMalady]

That's nice. Let me know about that. ;)