Spawning Defeat

A challenge was given me to use 10 of the bolded words in a poem. I decided to challenge myself a bit further and use them all. This is darker than my usual writes. Can you tell me what the story is behind this?

My premeditated seclusion has resulted in a toxic revelation
Solitude has sculpted a sanctuary where the bookshelf
Holds the key to my mindless meditation
My mental asphyxia has shattered my will
And I submit to the mind's tribulation

Silent, damaged, bloodied by the seduction of malice
I die a new death every hour, here in my desecrated temple
To my lips I raise the dregs left in the bottom of the chalice
Drink deep of the delicious illusion juxtaposed by shame
I choose to squander any momentary feelings of solace

The pain in my head creeps in, feeling like an aneurysm
This immaculate love of mine has left me
Bereft of my determination, lost in the schism
Dwindling down inside myself to wallow in the mud
Like the dawn of time's last ailing paramecium

Frustration reaches a magnitude tectonic
Any day now I'll erupt, and spew my sorrow
For every thought is a thought laconic
And I hunger for the light of day
To be once again amongst the quixotic

Lest I acquiesce my will to the torment
Take now the sensual touch of my gaze
My hands and mouth caught victim to this moment
A smile askew is nothing more than a bitter lie
But I'll be an obliging little instrument

The mastermind of my own defeat,
The girl with an affinity for chaos and pandemonium
I shall lay my bloodless sacrifice at your feet
For it is dedication, this state of pure delusion
It is in being torn that I feel complete

Unlike yours my thoughts contain naught of the didactic
You stare, apathetic, curious as to why I speak
If I wanted to I could utilize some other tactic
I could tell you how the rain absorbed my soul
Yet this event was wholly, undeniably anticlimactic

Tomorrow I will wake and greet the sun of a new dawn
With an effervescent phony smile I always try to take
Though often it takes an hour or two to paint it on
I'll scoff at the lies of antidisestablishmentarianism
By using holy water as the d****e to remove your spawn

Author's Note

Again, this was a challenge to use at least 10 of the bolded words. I used them all. Can anyone read between the lines and tell me the story behind this? I assure you , there is method to this madness.

Reviews

[Robert Erickson]

congrats on the win, a very sweet write! =)

[Pleiades]

Very interesting... a real puzzle. I see a person whom has had a rough night, one that follows a rougher day perhaps a devastation of some sort. He then plans to lose all confidence in the world and remain bitter.

An estimate to what the piece is saying, I liked the dramatic feel of the hole thing nonetheless and the bitter complexity.

I am curious about the method.
I was more focused on the choice of words and format in this poem. You were able to choose words that can jive with words given to you. The ambient setting was well set along with the initial words. You are able to fill the sentences well.

The message is deep along with the words. The sarcasm, anger, frustration, well set and well imparted.

This is a good read.