Im broken

Im broken

A Poem by Jada Johnson
"

are you truly ready to forgive this piece of you that is unhealed?

"
I placed my hand on my heart, shocked that it was still beating. since the day you left there hasn’t really been much feeling. I'm drowning, there is no way of breathing, my heart aches, my tongue feels like it has been shredded into a thousand pieces. I can barely speak as these tears run down my face. tumbling down this universe of darkness and a shadow, of glimpsed futures and broken memories. I shut my self out, shut myself out of this world, as I try and figure. over thinking about the situation has destroyed me.

 I guess your right, sometimes, I still think about that night with us and wonder if it was worth it, I still wonder about us. I still wonder if I made the right choice of having to give it all up. I figured I would be happier, maybe if I turned back In time things would be different. I have replayed so many times inside my head, I’ve worn them out, they can barely even be remembered anymore. too much time has passed and you no longer live in a present part of my mind. you gave me your word, you filled me with happiness and security. you told me all the things I needed to hear, so I could take this chance with you.

 you made me feel like I was worth it, I was who you wanted. I think I’m ready to just vanish, vanish into the depths and darkness of my soul. I’ve hit my breaking point, and there’s no way to escape because there’s no way of escaping reality. and here I am, smiling like nothing’s wrong, pretending like everything’s alright, and acting like it’s all okay. even though inside “ I’m broken”.   

© 2018 Jada Johnson



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Featured Review

You capture these feelings so well.. I have been wanting to write something similar:

Somewhere in the fury of this static and swirling chaos, What was once sustainable to our flame, is now the hollow of the ash a ghost of you, a ghost of us.. rambling forever in the absence of light.

hm. it needs something.

anyway, GREAT write!! I look forward to reading more of your material!

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jada Johnson

10 Months Ago

i think you're definitely off to a good start nicholas, but when i wrote this i felt the pain in the.. read more



Reviews

In my lifetime. I met woman who were broke. Wanted nothing no-more. Bad place to be. Your poem told a honest and realistic story. I do believe. We must heal ourselves. Thank you Jada for sharing the powerful and worthwhile poetry.
Coyote

Posted 7 Months Ago


I can see that you got raw emotions and content in your poems. But I think you got to work on the rhythm and structure. The way the poem looks like in its written form on paper is as much important as the way it sounds.
Work on your stanzas, a poetic word that means the same thing as a paragraph, with a blank space in between; what this does is that it helps the readers digest your information, content, concept and context depicted.
All poems don't have to rhyme, but if you choose to make it rhyme, choose which rhyme scheme you start your first line with, and then make that the standard for the following lines.
And try not to make one line too long than the rest; for that you have to learn to count your syllables (beats) per line, and that way you add Symmetry, Parallelism, rhythm and structure.
There are countless ways of using rhymes.
I suggest you, though I'm sure you already do, read professional published poets; then you will see what I mean about rhythm and structure.
There is no doubt about your personal rhythm and musicality, but it's important that your words are structured to have that maximum desired effect on the readers; for it's true we write for ourselves,
yet it's a fact that people will read our stuff, so it's important to present a beautiful finished product.

Here are a few examples I'll make up to illustrate to you what I mean:

I went to the park and sat on a bench, (A)
and my nose felt disturbed by a strong stench. (A)

The above example is called a rhyming couplet, a technique even rappers use a lot, where the first line rhymes with the second and so on...

A second example is:

I don't need to wait for saint valentine. (a)
I'll show you love each second, minute, hour... (b)
I value you more than diamonds that shine, (a)
and you're more beautiful than any flower. (b)

In the above example you would see that the first line rhymes with the third, and the second line rhymes with the fourth.

I placed my hand on my heart, (A)
shocked that it was still beating. (B)
since the day you left (C)
there hasn't really been much feeling. (B)

So, in the above example, I used words from your poems to give you a slight idea on how we can add rhythm and structure to our writing.

I love the way you look in a black dress.

In the above statement, sentence, counted word for word starting from 'I', you'll realize that the overall syllable count is 10; and that's how you can learn to control the length of lines, in a repeated pattern if you wish.

So poetry has so many simple element we can use as our tools to create a perfect piece of art.
Don't worry, practice makes perfect.
We are here to help each other grow as artists.





Posted 8 Months Ago


This is the poster child for: OVERTHINKING!!!!!!! You captured it perfectly & we all do it. Nothing in life is clear-cut & you've showed how we can get tangled in all the "what-ifs". Excellent details with a sprinkling of exaggerated feelings coming across powerfully (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 8 Months Ago


I think we can all relate to this piece on some level.

Feeling the pangs of loneliness and "what ifs"

reflecting on the agony and ecstasy, and imagining what the future might bring, or if you can ever feel the same way again, if the pieces can once more become whole.

Posted 8 Months Ago


noticed a comment you made on a poem and that you are new..so came to read ;)
sure can relate to your prose/poem ..the honesty and vulnerability draws me in, Jada .. this has happened twice in my life ..both times numbed and burned me for what seemed like endless .. i did not have to deal with the betrayal tho...hard enough with just the loosing ..funny how old adages prove themselves so true ..as in "time heals all wounds" ;) nice to meet you .. i hope you have a great growing time here at the Cafe :) i sure have.
E.

Posted 9 Months Ago


Such a relatable write. When you were describing the pain and feelings of your heart I couldn't help but go back to those same feelings I've had myself. Every word you wrote I feel as if I've lived through the same pain. Very nice piece, loved it.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jada Johnson

10 Months Ago

im glad that you were able to connect to it & thank you so much :)
You capture these feelings so well.. I have been wanting to write something similar:

Somewhere in the fury of this static and swirling chaos, What was once sustainable to our flame, is now the hollow of the ash a ghost of you, a ghost of us.. rambling forever in the absence of light.

hm. it needs something.

anyway, GREAT write!! I look forward to reading more of your material!

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jada Johnson

10 Months Ago

i think you're definitely off to a good start nicholas, but when i wrote this i felt the pain in the.. read more
love this and can definitely relate

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jada Johnson

10 Months Ago

thank you and I'm happy you could relate to it!
full with emotions .
beautiful written keep it up.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jada Johnson

10 Months Ago

thank you :)
"my tongue feels like it has been shredded into a thousand pieces." That feeling though. I felt that.

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Jada Johnson

10 Months Ago

yeah.. thats one of my favourite lines

im glad you were able to connect to it

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Added on October 30, 2017
Last Updated on January 26, 2018

Author

Jada Johnson
Jada Johnson

Toronto, Canada



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"where the title meets the ending" I'm open to well-intentioned reviews and id be more than willing to give you that in return. for the grammar police, i want you to know that i appreciate y.. more..

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