JAVA JOE'S

A Story by coopdville

A simple cup of coffee, yet it can be quite an adventure!

JAVA JOE’S

Ethan, the CEO of a prestigious real estate firm, never contemplated having coffee as a leisurely waste of time, in the traditional coffee-haus style. Three minutes to order and thirty to display your selection of elite trade papers and elegant laptop. It was always coffee on the run or at his desk to lubricate a productive work day. The very idea of being a pretender instead of a creator was against every principle he had that got him to the top.

On this day, his curiosity got the best of him and Ethan entered Java Joe's with great trepidation. Working his way patiently to the front of a velvet-roped maze, he was confronted by the source of the black liquid he desired to consume.

A barrista with folded arms and an arrogant stare fronted a daunting menu covering an entire wall. A dizzying array of coffee drinks with exotic names and absurd prices further befuddled Ethan. An inflated coffee-clerk peered down his nose at Ethan and inquired, “Have you made your selection, yet?”

To mask his uneasiness, Ethan chirped, “Let me think … um … yes … I’ll have a … mocha-java … poca-latta … lava-chino!” Quite pleased with his java-jest, he added, “Make that a pequeno, por favor!”

The server, not amused by Ethan’s joke, stands with arms folded and head turned away indifferently. Ethan notices the line building behind him and the tables populating with young Wall-Streeters. They sprawl out with laptops and cell phones at the ready, trying to look important reading “The Financial Times”.

Ethan tries to atone for his insolence with, “Not funny, huh? Sorry! How ‘bout a regular?” Our coffee clerk does not react. Ethan further babbles, “A medium coffee? A cup-a-joe? Not even close, right? You do sell coffee here?”

The barrista curls his lip derisively and emits a sigh.

The line of young be-suited junior executives is growing. They can hardly wait to play “name that coffee”.

Ethan retreats and says, “Young man … are we looking for an international coffee moniker? The barrista rolls his eyes and looks toward his manager for help. A gaggle of moon-eyed servers with visors and green aprons converge to lend support to their comrade in trouble.

Our CEO, the commander of the boardroom, is finding himself intimidated by the coffee “generalissimo” and responds courageously with, “Tell me … do I want a Kaffee Wien? Turska kava? Café noir? retskoe kofe? I’m getting warm, aren’t I? When does the duck with the Groucho glasses drop down … with my cup of coffee!”

The arcane reference is lost on the youthful clerk who peers disdainfully at Ethan between the register and a gigantic acrylic tip box. Defiantly, the barrista points to the menu on the wall and waits for the neophyte to order in the proper syntax. The reinforcements nod their heads in approval.

Ethan concedes, “Well, I know when I’m outnumbered! I guess I’ll have a Daily Grind.” “There are six Daily Grinds,” snorted the barrista. He added, “We have Costa Rican Peabury, Peruvian Pescado, a very smooth Anticado Grecco --”

“-- That's it … Peabury! I gotta have Peabury!”

The other “guests” look up from their laptops and newspapers to gawk at the oddball causing the commotion.

They are not outraged or entertained, just perplexed as to why a well-dressed man would want to act so silly.

The server adds, “Do you want that black or --”

“--here we go again! Let me guess … You have whole milk, 2% milk, fat free. You’ve got heavy cream, half-n-half, condensed milk and kosher coffee creamer” Ethan cheerfully volunteers. “Yes, that’s very good. We also have crème fraiche,” the barrista concedes.

Ethan, “Is the crème fraiche … fresh?”

Barrista, “Absolutely!”

Ethan, “Do you have soymilk?”

Barrista, “Certainly!”

Ethan, “Do you have whipped cream?”

Barrista, “Of course!”

Ethan, “Cocoa and caramel flavored syrups?”

Barrista, “Excellent!”

Ethan, “Then … I’ll take it black!!”

Ethan throws a twenty into the huge tip box. The clerk is pleased with his good fortune. All eyes follow Ethan as he takes his coffee to a counter in the window and pulls up a stool. He sits next to a gray-haired man who whispers, “Nice shtick, but you sure gummed up the works.”

Ethan replies, “A few of those little twerps are going to grow up one day and face me across the boardroom table. I never worry about the competent adversary, but empty-headed morons like them are dangerous!”