A Visit

Awful long time

 to be waiting he asked

Haven't been here long,

        long enough to play a hand.

The sign read 

      'Please do not enter the tracks'

He could have laughed

only he was

                        already on them.

The other could only watch

            the train

never felt like stopping.

Reviews

[rnuff]

Now this is a wonderful write, i enjoyed this

[Andrew]

It sounds really cool when read aloud as well!

[thenakedverse]

I love your use of arrangement here - the breaks and indents make this piece dramatic and thoughtful. I wish I took more advantage of structure in my own writing!

[Andrew]

I've never used them before myself, so it was fun to try, experiment with it!

[X]

I like this a lot. The structure is cool, a bit disjointed I am guessing for emphasis? Well done, and an eery and bit of a twist ending.

X

[Andrew]

Thank you, I've been experimenting a bit with the indentations.

[X]

Good stuff, keep experimenting.