Chapter 5A Chapter by SamBug
Tears, on the verge of falling, swelled up tightly into my eye sockets. They made paying attention to the road unbearable. Trees went by with a blur and I noticed myself creeping over the yellow lines every so often.
I had to pull myself together if I was going to make it from North Carolina to California. I had no idea why I decided to drive. Hannah flew in but I insisted on driving. Now I knew that wasn’t so smart.
My head constantly blurred back into the past, thinking about Kate. Thinking about my family life. I glanced over Kate’s letter sitting in the passenger seat. It’s edged were slightly folded from constant movement and reading.
Kate, according to the letter, had it in her head that my parents loved me. And who knew, maybe they did. At least my mother did. She seemed to attempt showing some compassion. But I wasn’t so sure about my father.
I mean, we used to always play ball together. He showed up to every single one of my basketball games. Helped me with my homework after work. Invited me outside to play some one-on-one. It all seemed perfect to me, too.
At least in high school. Dad was so proud when I graduated as the valedictorian. I gave my speech and he was the first to his feet, followed surely by my mother. Their smiles spread across their whole face, from ear to ear, while their hands clapped furiously.
They were always those sort of parents I guess. Always rooting for me. Always bragging about how “great” I was. They were strangely involved in everything I did. Well, almost. I guess they didn’t know about my sexual relationship with Kate. And I’m glad they didn’t otherwise they’d try to get involved in that, too.
I could just see my dad sitting there saying, “Come on Justin. You just need to work on this and you’ll be one heck of a man,” or “Justin, you’re doing it wrong.”
The thought almost brought a smile to my face but that smile was soon followed by more hurt and more tears. My heart was so low it felt like it were about to explode!
When did things start changing between my father and me? Maybe it was in college when I told him I wasn’t sure I wanted to go into business.
His face filled with so much confusion and hurt. But not quite upset with me. He told me I could take my time to figure it out. Even suggested I try medical school or maybe law school. They were both well respected professions. To please him, I told him I would think about it.
But truthfully, I think he stopped referring to me as his pride and glory when I announced to the family that I was going to become a detective one day and that my new dream was to study criminal justice.
No more confusion or hurt rested in dad’s eyes. No. It was something different that not only changed him, but changed me as well. Disappointment. Pure disappointment. He didn’t even have any words for the first few minutes. Dinner proceeded in silence while he thought it over and I fumbled around with my peas.
Mom started first, trying to tell me that whatever I wanted was okay with her but then dad, of course, interrupted by saying, “You’re throwing your life away.”
We argued and I left and I didn’t speak to my parents for three years. Never called. Never wrote. Didn’t even tell them I was in town when I went to go see Kate on the night we broke up.
I had so much on my mind. This drive would have been so good for me to just think out everything, especially since I just had a fight with the man I used to admire my whole life. But my thoughts were clouded with so much grief and frustration.
And another thing that got me going was that my father brought Hannah into the whole mess, telling me that she was going to leave me due to my job; because I was going to be poor!
But if I got the right job, I would have a really nice paycheck coming in. Sure, it’s absolutely nothing like what he gets for pay. I would never make, in a year, what he makes in a month. Never!
But at least I deserved to be happy, right? Apparently not.
These thoughts just caused even more rage to bubble around in my veins. And every time I glanced over towards Kate’s little letter, sadness just steamed on in there, too.
I slammed my hand against the wheel again, pressing my foot up against the gas pedal. Adrenaline took over every part of my body, so much to where I didn’t notice the car up ahead until I almost slammed into it.
My foot pressed hard against the break while I did my best to avoid the car. It went speeding away as fast as it could while I spun completely around on the road. Heart thumping hard in my chest, I inhaled deeply to calm myself.
Finally, I looked around me and noticed I was sitting on an empty highway. The sun, its orange rays slowly fading, disappeared behind a hill. Stars appeared in the sky and the daylight eventually faded into night.
I sat there all alone and then eventually decided to call it a night and find a cheap motel I could check into.
When I finally arrived into the cheap, rundown room that probably had roaches and who knows what else crawling around, I pulled out my phone and called Hannah to make sure she got home alright.
“Justin, are you okay?” she asked finally after small talk. “I mean, that letter. You just didn’t seem the same when we said goodbye yesterday.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just stressed.”
“Yeah, babe, I promise.”
“Okay. Well, get some sleep then,” Hannah suggested, sounding just as tired as I was. “You got a long day ahead of you.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow then?”
“Yeah, okay,” Hannah agreed and then she sighed. “I love you.”
It took me a minute to say it back but I finally pushed out the words and it seemed good enough for Hannah.
Good enough for now at least.
© 2011 SamBug
Added on July 8, 2011
Last Updated on July 8, 2011
AboutOkay... So these things are always hard to fill out but I suppose I'm going to try to describe me as best as possible. My name is Sam. Some people call me Sammy poo, Sam Bug, or simply Sam Loo. I'm .. more..
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