the way we look at each other

free verse

three more weeks and

once again she’ll be at the

mercy of nature

and our feeble attempts

at seduction will cease.

the pain,

if only for a week, will cease.

but until then

we sit on our sofas,

our eyes meet briefly

then find comfort

on the floor.

Reviews

[cwwood]

thanks for sharing. Yea I suppose it was too subtle, I use Black Mountain School as one of my tags, which has produced some of the finest free verse poets in history. They follow a somewhat loose formula 75% straight forward, 25% mysterious (or less straight forward in meaning) That's probably why you missed the point. I don't really understand what you mean by hopeless sentimentality, seeing as it's a poem about a couple who've fallen out of love and can no longer feel comfortable making love to each other, they're only reprieve being when she is on her period. hopeless, maybe, but not sentimental. It's about lack of communication, and knowing when it's over. It's about sex, but I left that particular word out because it lends cheap power to a poem.

[Trigorin]

Somewhat presumptive of you to say 'at its finest', isn't it?
Still, I think there is some merit here. I think there's a great deal of power in your repetition of the phrase 'will cease', but I think it's bogged down in the hopeless sentimentality of the rest of the poem. It's also somewhat questionable as to what the poem is exactly about. The first sentence raises more questions than are answered in the rest of the poem, and I feel like you dropped the ball a little in not throwing the reader at least a small bone in answering those questions.
Overall it's decent, but there's still potential to improve.