I think I've forgotten how it feels like to feel

There are so many things I've grown unable to explain, so many feelings I've buried deep inside for so long, almost forgotten. I used to dream when I'm wide awake, I used to have things to look forward to, I'm even making the same mistakes, just to feel something again. Most nights when I was unable to sleep, I toss & turn with oh so many thoughts running through my head & when it gets too dark, I shed a few tears & fall into a deep slumber, now I toss & turn until the sun comes up, my head too empty for me to count sheep to help me sleep. People think I've become cold, there isnt much to me that lures them in, they dont understand that I feel defeated, that nothing makes my heart race anymore. But I think it's okay, isolation was always a good friend of mine anyways. Someone once told me, "Write something that needs a little thought, describe things, the night sky, the moon and stars, venus and mars, the infinite universe, the undiscovered seas, oblivion, the seasons, anything." But how can I describe all of these unfathomable things when I cant do something as simple as explaining how I feel. Aren't I supposed to look at the night sky to describe how it looks? what about the undiscovered seas, aren't I supposed to stand barefoot infront of one & let the waves & cold breeze it offers engulf my senses to describe how it feels? but would you believe me if I tell you, that if I ever tried to, I'll feel nothing? nothing at all. it's nobody's fault, but sometimes, it seems like I'm searching for someone, I've heard that love makes you feel things again & maybe that's what I'm looking for, I'm not sure, I never am. It amuses me when people tell me that there is so much going on in their head, because there isn't much in mine, except for the void and sometimes I find myself thinking, distracted, on my busiest days; when did I ever become so blank & vacant? and I find myself thinking, on my solitary days, when wasn't I ever lonely? maybe I should trust life a little bit more, because I think I've forgotten how it feels like to leave everything out in the open.