Abstract Eulogy

I wrote this for a "read aloud" for Creative Writing II. My teacher was impressed, so I felt it must be decent.

A root which spreads...

 

a heart which beats...

 

a cloud which moves...

 

& a love which is lost...

 

we spend our whole lives wishing for something better.. searching for the grass that's greener. do we find it? of course not. no matter what we gain in life, we'll always want more.

 

an envy which kills...

 

jealosy. it takes over out lives & to some, becomes uncontrollable. we only want what we don't have. & even when we get it, we'll find something better, something new... it goes in cycles..

 

so dearly beloved,

 

we're gathered here today to mourn the loss of gratitude. the lost of thanksgiving.. & the ability to appreciate the things we have.. because we never know what we've got until it's gone.. until it slips through our fingers.. & is lost in eternity..

Author's Note

Our world may be beautiful in some ways, but in others it is the blackest place in the universe. I hope through time, generations to come, people may change and grow to accept each other and enjoy what we have.. because it's not about gainning more and more, getting more.. it's about enjoying what you have and the people you get to share it with.

Reviews

[Alana McGuire]

I'm with your teacher- totally impressed! Seriously, this is beautiful. I love the format, it relates well to the way I tend to write. I love the context and the idea and just everything you've shared here. I would love to see more that you've written for your Creative Writing class, and others that you've written simply in general. Thank you greatly for entering this in my contest. I enjoyed reading it multiple times, very much so. :)

[Michael Carr]

its very well written. I think if it used capitalization and worked a bit on grammar it would be worthy even for the spelling snobs round here.

you create great images and some true ideas to reflect upon.
very well done.

[Stephanie]

I must say, that was pretty incredible. I love the way you started it off, it gets me into the poem right away and keeps my attention. Then of course the ideas behind your writing are pretty awesome (in the "big" sense of the word). I really can't say too much, because I loved it! Fantastic write :)

[Mason Vail]

Well spoken! ...and too often true. Peace is found when you are not, in fact, seeking after something newer, something better. Now, if only that were an easy thing... :)

*dons proofreading hat*

phrase 7: "it takes over our lives"
last phrase: "the loss of thanksgiving"

[Beatrice Boyle (Grandm..]

Wow...that's a lot of philosophy for such a young gir!

You and I are on the opposite ends of the spectrum...you in the springtime of youth...I in the Winter of mine...but we meet on common ground...Writing! For me it is mostly poetry...I see you like to write books.

Between us...we should have a lot to say!

Beatrice Boyle (Grandma Bea)

[fallendemonofmercy]

this portrays a very strong and vibrant message that should definately be spread about far more often then it is.
many of us may just fall off the wagon, but ts getting back on that provides the real challenge and many people don't see it.

[anneliese]

i really like how this is set up. its something that ive never seen before and i have to say that i love it. great job!

[runaway smile_<3]

I love this. SO much. I can't really say much else, only that.
Great job at this.