The contrast

A poem

  It is but a moon eclipsed 

   along a shore 

     a filter to which is seen

      and never

        infinitely narrow

        and wide

          growing and shrinking

           with the tides

              the vast ocean

               water from a puddle 

                  whisked away by the wind

                 encompassing the contrast

the contrast of life...

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

I like any poem that references the sea. This is pretty good. This line 'a filter to which is seen and never' is an incomplete thought and seems to serve no purpose. It is out of step with the rest of the poem. Perhaps a bit of change to the line or even removal would enhance this. I would prefer a change and addition to the line in keeping with the theme of moonlight. Good write.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

it does hold a purpose but i guess my meaning was improperly conveyed i am talking about perception and how it narrows and grows and the world we see after the shift is entirely different even if we don't realize it ourselves at the time because we are only thinking in a current mindset to match our present perception it is regrettable that my meaning was not conveyed it just means i need more work thank you for taking the time to review and honest critique.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

and thank you for reading it and glad you liked it (:

[Ted Kniffen]

maybe then a little punctuation to set the line apart would work.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

any suggestion on how i would go about that for next time ? thanks for spending the time trying to help me out i really appreciate it (:

[Ted Kniffen]

What I try to do is read a poem I'm unsure of out loud, and listen for the pauses, and there, put a comma. In this case,
It is but a moon eclipsed
along a shore,
a filter to which is seen
and never,
infinitely narrow
and wide.
Although there are rules to poetry, really anything goes, but it should read as it is spoken. Commas provide the rest stops in a sentence to slow the reader a bit to mull the point. I hope this helps, if not, let me know and we'll have another go. OK?




and wide







a filter to which is seen




and never




infinitely narrow




and wide




along a shore




a filter to which is seen




and never




infinitely narrow




and wide

[TheAimlessWanderer]

hmm i not completely sure if speaking it out loud would work for me because i automatically pace and structure when i speak without trying when i read things but thank you for the tips (: it really is nice to get some constructive feedback i will work on it hopefully the next one is more fluid and understandable.

[oluwatoosinfunmi]

The imagery is so strong ... beautiful

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Thank you so much glad you enjoyed it !

[T. Edana Talbott]

Oh man, this was beautiful. I love the images you paint.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Thanks you so much ! glad you like it (:

[Pink Pastel]

Wow! it reminded me of mermaids lol and the smell of the ocean nice

[TheAimlessWanderer]

thanks i am glad that i could evoke unique imagery in someones mind (:

[Pink Pastel]

You're welcome^-^

[Paul Bell]

Isn't it great how our world evolves daily.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

It really is a great thing thanks for reading (:

[PenguinEmpiress]

I love the way this is written, It's so beautiful how you've worded it and I espeically love 'with the tides, the vast ocean, went from a puddle, whisked away by the wind' It just sounds so beautiful as it's being read! By me at least, thank you for writing this!!

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Thank you for reading glad you found it beautiful (:

[Akshita]

I found it beautiful to read even though I found it a bit difficult to understand. : )

[TheAimlessWanderer]

thank you for reading it is about how life only is how we see it whether it is positive or negative the contrast always exists in all life.

[thaleeyaLuna]

Beautiful imagery. :) It made me smile. And I rarely smile unless I enjoyed the poem.
And you also portrayed a very mice thought. :)
Great job! Keep writing!

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Thank you for that i am so happy that you like these things i am trying out for the first time (: and i will most definitely keep on going on cloud 9 and pitfalls have not slowed me down !

[thaleeyaLuna]

That's the spirit! :D haha Unlike me, I've been on a writer's block for a while. :( It wasn't a good feeling.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

aw i am sorry to here that i hope you are feeling better (: glad to see you again !

[eaglepoet]

I like the poem a lot, and the message you have to offer. At the same time, I feel like something is missing from the piece. I think you can go even further with it. You focus on contrast, perhaps a follow up on comparisons? Just some ideas.

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Thank you for your constructive feedback i will try to implement that, that is a great idea (:
time to hit the drawing the board glad you liked the poem thank you so much for reading !

[TheAimlessWanderer]

Would love to hear your thoughts (: please review even if you don't like it would love some constructive feedback to move forward !