Your Smile

Your Smile

A Poem by Abderrahmane Dakir
"

For everyone that give us a wonderful smile that give a joy to any person's heart

"


Your smile incites all our
Thoughts to be relaxed within your sight
Troubles to be melted in your path,
Senses to be mesmerized in your eyes
Issues to be solved upon your ways,
Feelings to be excited by your voice
Worries to be dissolved into your waves.

Your smile helps us to
Follow our passion of discovery
Seek our desire in priceless treasury,
Read our books in the library
Improve our skills in major literary
Expand our essay to a well-read story
Find our love poetry.

Your smile changes our
Loneliness to togetherness
Darkness to lightness,
Ruthlessness to forgiveness
Sadness to happiness,
Weaknesses to strengths
Illness to healthiness,
Weariness to willingness
Awkwardness to smoothness,

Selfishness to selflessness.

Your smile allows us to
Immediately take a while to rest
Efficiently do our very best,
Confidently stand on our two feet
Brightly achieve any tough feat
Bravely face our given fate,
Spontaneously increase our personal faith

Repeatedly seeing you with bated breath,
Patiently learn the longing of wait
Modestly have will power extremely great,

Definitely forget our last defeat
Truly have sensation we never felt
Completely succeed all our tests
Absolutely deserve all our gifts.

Abderrahmane Dakir


© 2015 Abderrahmane Dakir



My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review




Reviews

A smile can change the whole world. Small things in life do matter.
Great job.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much.
this is a grand read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much.
A smile can be the reason to LIVE for someone.
A priceless honour to someone with no cost but kindness and love.
A touching ode.
Relished every word of it..! :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much.
Jyoti_Ablaze

1 Year Ago

You are welcome.
I got the sense that the recipient of this poem was intended to be some kind of teacher or mentor, and it was very thoughtful and full of really good smilies and metaphors. I like all the contrasting word choices they were really well thought out, the only one that I got tripped up on was "Senses to be mesmerized." That was the only one that I thought didn't fit perfectly, but other than that great job.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much.
Your poem drew inspiration fron a face whose smile is exqusite, and glamouring. I appreciated the way you arranged your words each bringing its inspiration for good. Well written, Sir.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much.
This persons smile is very inspiring. I've seen a few places where a comma might be useful for dramatic pause, but are not grammatically necessary. Other than that this praise of a person's personal expression of happiness is well executed and makes me think of other whose smiles light up my own life and that is a powerful thing to do. Thank you and keep writing!

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much.
I loved this piece as I also believe in the power of a smile.. especially from those people close to us and those that have an impact on our lives..
I did however make some stops while reading it.. but I think it was mostly covered in a couple of earlier comments, therefore, I won't repeat them again.
Nevertheless, this is an amazing piece to read.. Thank you for sharing :D

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much.
Abderrahmane Dakir

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much
Hey Abderrahmane - thanks for asking me to review this poem! I do think it has a beautiful message, and an almost spiritual feel to it (even it's referring to a specific person), and I was touched by that.

However, I do have some technical critiques for you that I think could improve the sound and clarity of the poem. As Ashley said in her review, "improve our skills in major literary" doesn't quite make sense (even if it fits the rhythm. It would be clearer if you either said "Improve our skills in major literature," or completely cut out the "improve our skills in" part, and instead said something like, "Help us remember we are literary."

I also agree that the line, "Modestly have superpower extremely great" is a bit awkward-sounding. It almost sounds as if you're trying to force the rhyme scheme in that part, which I think is not necessary. But if you still want to rhyme that line, you might say something like, "Bring super powers to our human state." I think that gets across the same idea, while being grammatically correct.

I understand that sometimes when you try to translate certain expressions into English (especially in poetry), they may not make sense. But I definitely like the poem overall, and I thank you for giving me the chance to read it. And I would be honored if you'd read some of my work too! Thank you again.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Abderrahmane Dakir

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much.
Eric Pudalov

2 Years Ago

You're welcome - keep it up!
I think you accomplished some nice technical work in here. You maintain a pleasant rhythm, have a couple of nice alliterative phrases, "worries to be dissolved into your waves." I have trouble understanding the line, "improve our skills in major literary." I think literary is an adjective, so you can't really improve your skills in it. Also, an essay isn't usually something that becomes a story, unless it's a personal essay, and I think by well-read you must mean well-written. "Modestly have superpower extremely great" is awkward an redundant. If it's a superpower, then we already know it's extremely great. I would use a different adverb in place of "spontaneously". Something more powerful and deliberate. Nice job overall.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much.
Wonderful what a smile could do ......
lovely

Posted 2 Years Ago


Abderrahmane Dakir

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much.

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

4086 Views
235 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on April 30, 2015
Last Updated on June 15, 2015
Tags: love, smile, eyes, sight, poem, abderrahman, dakir

Author

Abderrahmane Dakir
Abderrahmane Dakir

casablanca, Morocco



About
I love to share my ideas with you, I love to read your imagination...writing is one way to know all of the best things in the world. My Books at Amazon : http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


Only Love Only Love

A Poem by MsJewel