When the Weather Fought Over the Woman

one of those twisted fairy tale type things inspired by the time the wind blew through my hair and I wondered if it was trying to tell my something

Once upon a time there was a young woman who was so pretty and kind, everyone loved her.

One day, the wind was blowing by and saw the woman’s beauty. He was so entranced, he immediately fell in love with her. He began to fly through her hair and made the trees dance for her. He would howl and whoosh and sing of his love for her.

But then on another day, Rain came and also saw the woman’s beauty and he, too, fell in love with her. He sent his droplets to touch her face when she was outside and when she was inside, he would drum on her window his many love songs in order to get her attention.

But where there’s Rain, there’s Cloud and when he saw her, he caught the lovesickness of his co-workers. For her, he made beautiful shapes in the sky and in the mornings, he came down to Earth as fog and wrap her in his wispy embrace. Soon, Thunder and Lightning were joined in the mix. Though they were brothers, when they first laid eyes on her, they almost immediately began to fiercely compete for her affections. Lightning would give her a spectacular light show while Thunder beat out his heart for her.

Eventually, Sun came over for a closer look at what all the fighting was about. And when he saw the woman, he quickly threw his hat in the ring. When he could, he’d break up Cloud, Rain, Thunder and Lightning and caress the woman warmly with his rays and made flowers bloom wherever she went. Once Sun threw his punches at Cloud, however, Cloud saw fit to aggressively attempt to blot Sun out. Soon, all the other weather patterns joined in the violence.

Wind and Cloud bashed heads causing tornadoes. Rain would flood everything in sight. Lightning set things on fire with his volts while his brother simply shouted really loudly- which startled the cattle and caused stampedes. Many towns and farms were destroyed. It was all very havocal but the woman at least was kept safe in the hand of whoever however had the upper at the moment. She'd be in Wind's forces one minute then on top of Cloud the next, washed away by Rain, shielded by Sun's plants after, surrounded by Lightning and Thunder then caught up again by Wind. A lot of back and forth and jostling about but the Weathers were careful to keep her intact, at least.

Finally, Moon, Mistress of Sun, Queen of the Night, and one of the elected leaders of Weather Patterns, heard all the noise and looked to see what was going on. When she saw all the male weathers- especially Sun- fighting over a woman, she became furious. She called upon her female cohorts- Snow, Frost, and Hail- to help break up the fight.

Frost froze all the water Rain used for flooding but that only covered the Earth in ice. Snow tried to cover the fires caused by Thunder but that only further trapped the people in the cold. Hail shot wildly around, hoping to hit something that would solve the problem, but only broke glass and other weak structures. Finally, Moon attempted to wash it all away with her tide minions. But that only caused tsunamis and which Wind and Cloud used to create hurricanes with as well. It didn’t help much.

So the weathers fought on, escalating more and more, worser and worser. MORE water covered the Earth, tornadoes kept rolling on the ground while hurricanes shrieked in the water. Wind kept blowing, Rain, Hail, and Snow kept falling, Frost kept freezing, Thunder and Lightning kept striking, and Cloud and Sun kept trying to gain the spotlight of the sky.

It was around that time Mother Earth herself got sick of all the fighting. She tried shaking herself from all this insane weather as a last attempt to solve the problem herself, waking the biggest Earthquake in all of history- as well as causing all the volcanoes to erupt. Like everything else, however, it didn't help and only added to the confusion and fighting. With a defeated sigh, Earth had one last option. She called upon some meteorites to come fall down on her and crush the woman who started it all. And the meteorites did just that, knocking her for the last time out of the hands of Cloud. Hard. Once all the weathers saw the woman was quite dead, they all hesitantly- awkwardly- dispersed.

It took some time but after a while, they made up and all was well again. They even laugh about it now.

But poor woman. While her beauty got everyone’s attention, it was her mind she was most proud of. Had she lived, she would have been a great personal accountant. And just think of what her husband and father of three children must think! Well, they don’t think at all anymore, actually. They all died when the weathers were fighting over her. Such a shame, really.

Author's Note

Yes, I know, havocal isn't a word. Same for worser. If Shakespeare can make up words, why can't I?
And I did make this with the intention of having no dialogue in an attempt to practice describing things more. Although I'm not sure I'm happy with the last paragraph or two so any suggestions on that would be appreciated.

Reviews

[Ren Nightshade]

Firstly I'd like to say I loved the story! The symbolism, sensory detail, and descriptive nature was on point!
However, I have to say I felt the ending was kind of rushed. I feel that you probably should have brought out the end of the woman a bit more. All the actions and disaster that took place for this woman all for it to end with her being killed by a meteorite was kind of anti-climatic.

All in all, I loved the story and I think you did a wonderful job!!!

Great work and I love your writing!!!

[DB Heinemann]

Ha yea endings have never been my strong suit. I've actually always liked anticlimatic endings because they're the opposite of cliche but I seem to be in the minirity there.
But I'm glad you liked everything else! Thank you for reviewing it without my even asking. If you'd really like to help, I've also been working on a novel for YEARS now. I don't really need critiques (though they're certainly welcome) I mostly just someone to nag me to actually finish it. I feel like having an audience might help with that. Let me know if you're interested 😊

[Ren Nightshade]

Sure nagging just so happens to be my strong suit haha!!! I'll take the job, but in return would you mind giving me feedback on my novel as o continue to write it? I'll still nag you regardless haha. (^v^)

[DB Heinemann]

Ha I mean it's only fair :p I think some of it is on this website but the rest is on a google doc. I can share it with you if you want? Whichever is easiest

[Ren Nightshade]

The google doc would probably be easiest since all of it isn't on the site. So I'll take the Google doc haha! (^U^) Also thank you in advance for your services!!

[DB Heinemann]

Of course! Thank you in advance for your future services. I'll message you the link ;)

[Ren Nightshade]

Alrighty!!!

[Delted]

I liked the classic folk lore feel to it, but it also was very original at the same time. Nice story, and I'd say you well accomplished your goal of describing things more without using dialogue.

[DB Heinemann]

Why thank you. I appreciate your appreciation.

[Cattleya]

wow I couldn't stop reading even if I wanted too this was amazing it was truly amazing all can say is wow I'm just wow

[DB Heinemann]

Glad you liked it! Really makes me feel like less of an amateur.

[JoeM]

A great tale for kids. If you used the soft flowing terms in the last third of the story, the woman's demise would not seem so abrupt. Carry on weaving your spell as the dire consequencies that her beauty evoked is played out. As a reviewer said, a great story for illustrating. Well done.

[DB Heinemann]

Ha, thanks. I kinda wanted the death to be abrupt. And in the middle, you almost forget what they were fighting about adding to the abruptness. But I'm glad you liked it otherwise. I got someone working on the illustrations now

[Kateena Clarke]

hahahahahanThat was great !! I loved the idea and I pictured a childrens book .It would be a great story to illustrate with clouds making shapes (love hearts ) in the sky and rain pounding love songs on the window. I really like it ,envious I dint think it up myself as an illistrator I would have a ball with this story

[DB Heinemann]

Ha, why thank you. If you're an illustrator, I give you permission to illustrate it. I just get 45% profits.

[Kateena Clarke]

really??? OK your on sir.

[DB Heinemann]

Sweeet free illustrations