Armories of Dud Grenades

I really went out of my comfort zone on this piece for the sake of variety and creativity.

Note for You Guys and Gals:

Writing this piece here took me a light year out of my comfort zone.  Heck, this is probably the furthest out of my comfort zone I've ever gone!  To be honest, I genuinely don't know what to think of this(I know I've said that a thousand times, but in this case I mean it more than ever before).  Personally, I'm beginning to think this is a rather silly piece, but I'm going to keep it anyway, since poems like this can serve as examples of what did and didn't work well for me.  I'll leave the final verdict to you readers and reviewers.  I hope you enjoy this piece in some way!

Armories of Dud Grenades

You wave your black flags; spitfires threatening to attack

While I just laugh and raise my glass, all of my rhymes relaxed

It's time to dropkick Romanticism and deliver a message of Realism

To all of you walking tragedies talking trash;

You're about to get into a car crash

You try so hard to drop the bass

But can't even pick it up in the first place

Criticism's a baseball's fist to your face

But instead of taking the pain, you just complain

You claim to "be boss" yet you play the game with auto-aim on

And the chessboard has set off the bomb

You have been put in checkmate by pawns

Hard fact is this slight syntax, so do us a favor you plastic poet

Take that arrogant atmosphere you have and shove it up your assonance

I may be flawed, but I'm not fake; I'm not awesome, I'm afraid

But at least my problems I try to erase, I'm getting wiser everyday

Can you say the same?  Do you learn your lesson and try to change?

Oh sorry, take your time, I can wait while you keep running your rat race

On second thought, I'm sick of your charades

You guys are nothing but armories of dud grenades

Intimidate me your war threats do not because you've not the power to detonate

I'll leave you to your little game and wait for the day

That you acknowledge your road rage rampage

Maybe once you're put in your place, you will finally change your ways

And become a better person than you were yesterday

Author's Note

I don't know how I ended up writing this, but here it is! I wrote this piece a couple of weeks ago, and am only now deciding to risk the complete embarrassment by putting posting it on this site. One thing I do know is that I HAS NO REGRETS, THIS IS FOR THE SAKE OF KEEPING THE CREATIVE FLOW GOING! Anyway, tell me what you think, as usual :)

Reviews

[Aries1984]

I really love the title! I seriously will now go and research just the title alone. The best part about things that I really don't know and wind up liking them is simply that they are uniquely mystifying to me. In some ways, this is how I get ideas about what I want to write about in the future.

I don't think you should feel embarrassed about this piece. I really enjoyed it. The flow of the piece is well done, and the rhyming is spot on too.

[DoormanDan]

This one was a bit different for me to write, but I have to admit, I'm glad that I wrote it. The last thing I ever want is to become one of those creators who gets stuck recycling the same concepts and styles over and over again. Thanks for reviewing :)

[Valentine]

You have such a wide word usage. Many teens today would not know what each represents or even how to spell them. What you are lacking you will acquire with age, just do not ever give up on yourself. Valentine

[DoormanDan]

I have to be honest, I'm only able to retain the definitions of around 25% of the words I use. The others, I find, I have to look up again to remember(my memory has never been that good). Thanks for reviewing this :)

[Zugzwang]

That poem was like a punch in the face...in a good way. I liked the expression 'plastic poet'. You tell 'em.

[DoormanDan]

Everything about writing this poem was new to me, so I am really glad that you think itcwas worth the effort to write. Rhanks for the review ☺

[Simon Welsh]

My assonance, eh? I love sweet talk. Nicely written.

[DoormanDan]

Haha! I really wanted to have a line like that in this piece, and I just thought "why not have it be a poetry pun?" Thanks for reviewing :)

[jeannemarie coulter]

YOU MADE ME VISUALIZE CRITICISM A S GRENADE...I AM STILL CONTEMPLATING THE IMAGE...TO MAKE US THINK, PONDER IS A GOOD THING..THANK YOU...

[DoormanDan]

I'm really glad you liked this piece. Thanks for reviewing :)

[Robert]

Great creativity and imagination, Keep writing as you have the talent.

[DoormanDan]

I nearly gave myself a headache while writing this piece, so I'm really glad you think this was worth the effort. Thanks for reviewing :)

[Emily]

Very nice write!
Keep on writing!

[DoormanDan]

Thanks for reviewing this Emily, I'm glad you enjoyed it :)

[AaronFreitas]

This is an awesome write! So much depth, creativity and just raw straight forward honesty! "But at least my problems I try to erase, I'm getting wiser everyday. Can you say the same? Do you learn your lesson and try to change?" I love those lines Dan... it was awesome and a pleasure to read :)

[DoormanDan]

I decided that for this piece, I wanted to just express feelings how they are, rather than burying them underneath a ton of literary devices. I'm glad you liked this. Thanks for reviewing :)

[Amber Lily]

This reminds me of a poem I wrote in school that trash talked all the preppy people for their stupidity. That being said, I actually enjoyed this! Sometimes it's good to try to go out of your comfort zone, you might realize you are really good at something new! This is very different from your other work, but it still has that Dan touch to it :)

[DoormanDan]

I don't really mind preppy people, for they(for the most part anyways) aren't fake. It's those people who claim to be so tough and all mighty but actually don't back it up that I can't stand. This is a phrase I use for people like that, "big talk, small c**k"(excuse the obscenity, those people just really get my blood boiling). Anyways, thanks for reviewing Amber. I'm glad you liked this, despite how different it is compared to my usual writing style. :)

[Amber Lily]

Your most welcome! And I need to say, that phrase is rather amazing lol

[Perkele.7885]

Dan I will never say that you were ever afraid of doing a belly flop or a back flip and landing ugly!
(Maybe once you're put in your place, you will finally change your ways
And become a better person than you were yesterday)
These two lines have character! These two lines need the back up of the full might of the full US Military and American Public.
Screw public opinion, the world will soon forget what happened here today but, all you losers won't!

[DoormanDan]

The funny thing about that is I actually do that kind of stuff in my spare time(parkour, frontflips, that kind of thing), and do mess up and injure myself more often than the average person! Thanks for reviewing this, I really appreciate it :)