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Phantasmic Algorithms- Path of Totality

Phantasmic Algorithms- Path of Totality

A Poem by DoormanDan
"

My most artistic attempt at emotional poetry

"
Phantasmic Algorithms- Path of Totality

Am I a defective program
Chasing after a hologram?
These Phantasmic Algorithms
Have scrambled my alpha rhythms

The mercury mixes with my blood

I watch as my friends are soaked in star-shine
While I shiver in the wintertide
Of a stygian skyline

Monochrome is my reality
Trapped in this Path of Totality

Oh, how I wish to manipulate the matrix
So I could recode my every double helix

Because my poetic planetarium
Is run by Misery's Magisterium
And has never once laid its eyes on the stars



© 2017 DoormanDan



Author's Note

DoormanDan
Hooray, I'm back (and it's been less than a month)! This piece was originally going to be completely different, but then I had a brainwave. Instead of writing a fictional story (like I usually do with my poetry, as my own life is generally boring), I decided to take care of some annoying negative emotions that have been hanging heavily on my heart for a while. The result is this, the most emotionally artistic thing I have ever written. Is it the best thing I've written? Probably not, but regardless, I feel like I've found my writing stride again!

One more thing before I go, there is way more symbolism in this piece than I've put in any of my poetry in a long time. Why am I telling you this? Because I want to see if you can find it all. Please feel free to (if you want to, that is) tell me which parts of the poem contain symbolism, and what you think that symbolism is. I really want to hear ya'll's opinions! As always, stay awesome, everybody, and I'll see you next time. :)

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Reviews

Whew!!! This is phenomenal! Great comparison in the poetry and math. Supreme talent!

Posted 1 Month Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DoormanDan

1 Month Ago

I"m flattered by your very high opinion of this piece! Thanks for reading! :)
This poem speaks of adult and inner child. The adult big words of trying to make itself known in this world is used as symbolism for the swirling distorted energy that encompasses ones being. All the rules, mindsets, beliefs that muck us down that the adult self has trained itself to believe as true which is the mercury/poisoning of ourselves. The inner child sets the undertone of playfulness that comes from your format and the definition of the words which follows no rules, just flowing from inner guidance expression. This builds energy to the the last line "and never once laid its eyes on the stars". basically calling it out, the true realness of life, the inner child knows. Delightful poem and a very intelligent inner child, lol.

Posted 1 Month Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DoormanDan

1 Month Ago

That's very well thought out. I like your line of thinking! Thanks for reading, I'm glad you enjoy.. read more
this is actually one of the best poems I have read so far .
keep going this is really amazing .
some parts could fit in a rap song or like a song in general .
but overall,it's really good.

Posted 1 Month Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

DoormanDan

1 Month Ago

I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed reading this, Dimah, and am flattered by your praise for it. :)
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Fei
oomph. I started tentatively reading/reviewing things on this website just today, and that last stanza made me FEEL THINGS. Best I've read so far.

okay don't be mad but some of the doublets don't quite work for me. I guess when they follow each other in quick succession like that, it sounds kind of song lyric-y? I'm also weird with rhymes tho, like I prefer my poems to rhyme but half the time when they rhyme i'm like "wow i wish that this didn't sound shallow." Also explains why i can't write a single rhyming poem that doesn't sound childish to me lol. So maybe ignore this bit.

Anyway, overall I really liked it! Good job! (Also I hope this review wasn't weird for this site's standards lol, i'm new in case u couldn't tell, hello!)

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 2 people found this review constructive.

DoormanDan

1 Month Ago

Hey, there, Fei! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed reading this! I can understand where you're com.. read more
Fei

1 Month Ago

Thanks for your advice! Yeah I wrote one poem recently that rhymed and I was just like...ok i hate i.. read more
DoormanDan

1 Month Ago

I would recommend sites like Young Writer's Society (that is, if you're around the same age as me(20.. read more

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4 Reviews
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Added on August 30, 2017
Last Updated on August 30, 2017

Author

DoormanDan
DoormanDan

Dover, DE



About
I'm a twenty year old young man who enjoys writing poetry, songs, stories, paintball and other things. My favorite things to do are parkour, video games, listening to music, and making people happy. .. more..

Writing