What They Don't Tell You

In June, I lost a very close friend of mine to an overdose. I miss him terribly but have found, as I have progressed through my grieving process, that society is not very nice to those who are sad.

They don't tell you that it hurts

Like a crowbar being wrenched into your heart

They don't tell you that it leaves you broken and cold for months

Freezing in a room filled only with warmth

They didn't tell me how much I could learn to miss someone

Your presence was felt everywhere

Always filling a room with your endless bounds of energy

That smile, that twinkle in your eye

It can't be replaced

It can't be replicated

All I have of it now is memories

Clouded by time, marked by emotion

I'm forgetting what it feels like to hold your hand,

Its warmth filling my soul with happiness- fake as it might be

I'm forgetting what you said to me,

words jumbling together in my head

I miss you terribly and yet I must keep silent

Because society doesn't train us to miss someone so much

It silences us

Tells us to keep it to ourselves

We are allotted a week and then we must act like nothing has happened

Numb to my pain, pretending like your missing presence is forgettable

So I will keep my pain to myself

And say hello to you in my dreams

Because at least there I am not judged

Because there I need no preparation

I don't have to worry about those that don't understand watching me

There I can be happy

Because all I need there is an open mind and an open heart.