When I Think of You

Last year I cut some toxic people out of my life. This is a poem regarding my feelings toward it.

When I think of you

I think of malls

The sound of loud crowds of people dancing and weaving around each other

The smell of food wafting through the halls from the food court

It was where we always hung out

Bright lights set against a dark-sky backdrops

Signs hanging everywhere, telling of the latest bogo sales

So many nights were spent there with you

I can't walk into Bare Minerals anymore without thinking of us

Make-up caking our faces as we got free facials

I felt like I belonged

Like I was part of some group, a family

When I think of you

I think of downtown

Uneven, graveled paths

Leading to beautiful, sunset-lit water

The smell of beer and crabs permeating through my memories

I remember how you and I used to sit by the water and discuss life

The day turning into night as we sat there 

You were my outlet, my way to feel again

When I think of you

I am taken back to the times where we sat in your bar

The sound of country music filling our ears

The sight of men in cowboy hats

And women with tight jeans and country vests everywhere

We would sit in the corner of the bar near the window

And wish, pray, and hope that someday we'd go somewhere

We had big dreams

Dreams that involved each other

I never thought that we would be so wrong

The truth is,

When I think of you

I think of all the good times that we had

And ignore all the bad events that led up to our demise

I think some part of me is sadistic

Craving for the things I can't have anymore

Purposefully acting like bad things can't and don't happen

When I think of you,

I am reminded that things have changed

And that they'll never be the same again between us.