From the place where...

Another poem from camp. I like this one better, but it's just and opinion. Hope you still enjoy it.

I am from running waters

Whose waters chill the body

I am from rolling hills

Where wild things run free

I am from the land of the golden sun

Where the dazzling sphere glows

I am from the shadows of the moon

Where the pearly light bathes.

 

I am from the old town

Where houses are more ancient than I

I am from the cement roads

Where old cars roam

I am from the small school

Where everyone is like family.

 

I am from the place

Where humans and animals live in peace

I am from the wheat fields

Turning yellow to saffron-crimson

I am from the setting suns

That paints the sky

I am from the place

Where joy and love bloom like flowers.

 

Behind those closed doors lies a box

In it, is my nest of memories

Photos, writings, anything

To remember them by.

 

Bugs might eat them

And time may wear them,

But the true place where I keep them

Is deep in my heart.

Reviews

[Larissa G.]

"I am from running waters
Whose waters chill the body" - Is there a way to replace one of the 'waters' with another word like liquid? It's just too close for repetition of words.
The entire first stanza just reads as cliche images, and I have to admit I don't like it.

Now, the rest of it has a better vibe. I think it isn't bad; the message is a good one and I like the image of the nest in particular.

Read it aloud and check the flow, though; it begins to feel rocky near the end or so I thought.

I hope this helps and I hope it hasn't offended you. :)

[A.M.P.]

Wow, that was amazing beautiful. This poem made me imagine warm glowing sunsets and the smell of hay in the air. =) The wording was great, I love the repetition of "I am from." Great poem!