The Vampire

 

I am a vampire

Lusting for a touch of tenderness

This thirst unquenchable

Bringing me to the edge of the world

Sitting on the stonewall facing the seas.

The caress, the hug, the kind look,

Tokens stored in my pockets

As I wait in poignant longing

To be wrapped in the cocoon

Of that man, that child, a family

The rush of air as we leap to rescue

Not ourselves but the stems of our existence

I am in the water, salty icy biting water

As cold as my untouched skin

And there is nothing and no one

To save or bidding time to save me.

Reviews

[Khance]

Going to disagree with the review below me, I thought that whilst this poem was good. It deserved to be a story more so than a poem. (You probably wont agree with that)

I wouldnt be much of a poetry buff, nor do i particularly go out of my way to read poems but when i read this i wasnt reminded of a vampire. The emotions were conveyed very well, but the wording of it seemed to almost be a resigned mortal than that of a vampire. Most associations with vampires are either the bloodthirsty ravages or the lonely ones lost to time. Im guessing you went for the latter of the options.

A vampire that wants to be loved, yet i dont know the gender of the being... and that is often the one thing that most readers try to empathise with. You may have tried to maximise your audience by not specifying, but its harder to relate to a poem or emotion when you dont know what the gender is.

Obviously you dont have to take my opinion into consideration, but i thought i would tell you that i enjoyed the poem, but i felt that you could have made a fantastic story from it instead.

[Helena]

I am not really conversant with "Vampire" writes, but I know I enjoyed
going over the dark side for a bit.

Vampires are intriguing and at the same time scary and you certainly
described that so visually in this.

"As cold as my untouched skin
And there is nothing and no one
To save or bidding time to save me."

That actually gave me the shudders! Well done my friend!
Thank you for submitting this to my "Loneliness" contest. I guess
there wouldn't be a more lonely thing on this planet than a poor old Vampire!

~ Helena

[Titus McGuire]

Very well written. As a writer of vampire novels I appreciate the human emotions you give to your character in this piece. I don't agree with the stereotypes of what vampires should be; evil, bloodthristy creatures, but agree more with the idea that they share with mortals similar emotions and characteristics. After all, were they not once mortals. This really reflects their longing and desire to be a part of a world they no longer belong to, and that is something that I could understand such a being as a vampire feeling. Again, this piece is very well written. Bravissimi.

[Sean M. Addams]

interesting vampire piece.... like the imagery in this piece... nice job on this!!!

[chloe cruz]

That was really a good poem. I liked the vampire's loss... his craving was proclaimed perfectly. Great job! But like Khance said, the vampire sounds more of a mortal than vampire. He misses. He wants.

Thanks!

[Lady Lazarus.]

Of that man, that child, a family
The rush of air as we leap to rescue
Not ourselves but the stems of our existence
I am in the water, salty icy biting water
As cold as my untouched skin
And there is nothing and no one
To save or bidding time to save me.



such a remarkable peice of work.
conjures up the real meaning of a vampire and the real horror that lurks...

[[untitled]]

I agree with the previous post. This is a rare find, a poem from the vampire's perspective without the blood. I sense the emotion, the isolation and longing. I like this piece. I think you did wonderful with the description. Alot of expression in few words :)

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Mmhmm, this is a fantastic vamp poem. I really like it and you did an awesome job. Great write!!!

Heather

[Legion]

Such loneliness wonderfully done. A life defined by emptiness and loneliness. So sad. Great write.

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

This is very well done... it's rare to find a vampire poem that does not use the blood and bite part of the vampire... I like the feeling of isolation that you created in this... I kind of want more imagery in it though... But what imagery you had was amazing and your wording was even better... I like this.. it's a unique vampire read... Something not many people expect... I know most of my vampire poems are about the lust, blood, fright, bite... seduction... etc... Great Job!