Brighton streets

I broken hearted man reminisces about the love of his life and their final days together

Alex sat back in his chair lazily smoking the cigarette in his hand; he looked out the window of the café staring at the throng of happy couples who strolled by hand in hand. He wrinkled his nose in disgust at the site. It was Valentine’s Day. On a day where the world celebrated love and companionship he felt nothing but sad lonely bitterness. The sun bore down on the cobbled streets of Brighton, surprisingly warm for the time of year. 

Alex sipped at the still warm cappuccino on his table. He watched as a young couple trotted by, their eyes locked on each other’s as they laughed at each other’s painfully unfunny jokes. He was only 25 and yet it felt a world away since he’d been in their position. He reached in to his jacket pocket, taking out his wallet. He delicately pulled out an old picture from inside, he let his eyes run over the faces within. Her face was soft. Her eyes made of emerald green. Her broad wide smile warmed Alex’s heart even now after all these years. On that fateful summer day those many years ago he’d been so happy… 

Time seemed to stretch on forever. They never left each other’s side. Not even for a moment. Alex smiled as the long buried memories came to the forefront of his conscious mind. Alex looked up from the picture to find that his hands were shaking. He rubbed his eyes together as a lone tear escaped, running down his cheek and off his chin. He let out a sigh. But that damn disease… The cancer had torn her apart. He clenched his fists as a knot formed in his throat, it had started with a simple cough. But like any cancer it spread like wildfire. 

Alex’s heart hammered in his chest as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him like a raging river. “ I’m sorry I couldn’t save you” Alex muttered under his breath, he stared out of the window longingly half expecting to see her face among the flood of people lining the streets. Alex sipped at his cappuccino enjoying the warm liquid as it travelled down his throat. He looked back at the picture, smiling as he did so. They had a been two wild spirits that had found each other in the madness that was the world. They were meant for each other… But that damn cancer had taken her away! Alex slammed his fist in to the table causing the other people in the café to turn around. 

She had never complained, never asked for sympathy or pity. He’d always loved that about her. How she would pretend to be fine despite her coughing fits that would last for minutes at a time. How she refused help from the nurses getting up the stairs despite the corruption within her that threatened to tear her apart. Alex found that his tears were flowing freely now, the chemo was tough on her. The concoction of poisons causing her hair to fall out and her skin to age. 

He held his head in his hands, “I just want you back” he whispered, her body had deteriorated until the point that she no longer resembled herself. Her skin deathly pale in the final months before her death. Her eyes, sunken and distant… Alex relaxed his hand and curled it again as he tried to picture her skeletal hands clasped in his as she lay dying in the hospital that had become her new home. The white washed walls of the wards, the vast array of tubes that fed her failing body the drugs that she required to extend her already short existence. They all stuck in his minds like daggers, the painful memories now had their claws dug and they wouldn’t let go. 

 Alex cast his gaze towards a young couple sat beside him, their hands locked together across the table. He found himself smiling as the two conversed, laughing at each other’s impressions of each other. In that moment he felt a pang of guilt, her last words echoing within his mind. “ F**k this” was what she’d said, Alex laughed at the thought, defiant till the end as the women he loved always was. 

She had pulled him close, kissing him on the cheek with her cold cracked lips before looking at his pain stricken eyes. “Make the most of it” she whispered as her heart beat monitor began bleeping loudly as her heart stopped… Alex wiped the tears from his face, he finally knew what she meant. He had dragged around his past, his grief, his pain all these years. Completely forgetting of the many days and times he had spent with her, his anger at her loss had clouded his mind. Driving him to bitterness, forgetting the how it the feeling of being with another felt. He should cherish her memories, a reminder of the magic in the world that could be found again if he only tried. 
“Thank you” he mouthed before getting up and walking out amongst the crowds that swarmed Brighton’s streets.